


Promises

by Cloudy_Serendipity



Category: Alternate Universe - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), the winter soldier - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Avengers AU, Broken Heart, Bucky Barnes AU, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes joined the army, Bucky makes awesome cocktails, Childhood Friends, Denial of Feelings, Drunken Flirting, Edgeplay, Edging, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feels, Flirting, Foreplay, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, Mild Painplay, Mild S&M, Multiple Orgasms, Nipple Clamps, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, POV Third Person, Rules, Shameless Smut, Shower Sex, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, coming home, fuck buddies, safe sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-07-29 18:56:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20087140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloudy_Serendipity/pseuds/Cloudy_Serendipity
Summary: Promises, rules and a love so deep it transcends time and distance.  The problem is that Izzy and Bucky are ignorant to each other's feelings.  What lengths will they go to to protect the one thing the both cherish above all else?  Their friendship.Through tumultuous times, misunderstandings, fuck buddy dramas, other relationships, criminal activity, and a whole bunch of emotional hurt... This is their story.





	1. Can't Get Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is a no powers alternate universe. Characters and all things MCU don't belong to me but I'm having a bit of fun with them anyway.
> 
> I hope this comes out as good as it seems in my head. Enjoy :)
> 
> The story starts with Izzy's POV present day...

Izzy lay sweating. Her heart pounded and her throat was dry, rasping breaths slowly calming as she came down from her third and final orgasm of their session. She felt more relaxed than she had in six weeks, which was the last time she’d seen him, her close friend and fuck buddy, James Buchannan Barnes.

Bucky stood by the window of his bedroom in all his naked glory, perfectly rounded ass cheeks and cute lower-back dimples sheened in sweat as he leaned on the frame with his cigarette. He never smoked next to her, and usually stepped fully out onto the lounge balcony but mere moments post-coitus and still very much bathed in afterglow he’d lifted the window and let in the most amazingly cool breeze. He hadn’t even pulled the condom off before he lit his smoke.

Rule number four was firmly in effect; no displays of affection, kissing, cuddling, holding hands etc. Bucky had no sooner finished when he rolled off her, letting her legs fall to the mattress, and scooped his smokes and lighter off the night stand. He was trying to cut down but with the speed at which he reached for the comforting cancer sticks she could tell there was something on his mind.

“You got something you need to talk about after?” Izzy said, swinging her shaky legs over the side of his bed.

“I’m good, doll.” He sounded distant, not bothering to look her way.

“Cool.” She nodded, a little sceptical but unwilling to challenge. “Do you want the first shower?”

“You go ahead.”

It was part of their arrangement that if one of them needed to talk about personal things or friend things they didn’t mix it up with the sex. Izzy called it ‘platonic mode’ and Bucky called it ‘conversations from the friend zone’. Izzy smiled at his panache for the dramatic. She ran the water and hopped into his shower/tub combo.

Bucky’s shower was crap. The water pressure was weak and it felt like it took her forever to wash the soap off. She didn’t usually wash her hair at his place but she’d sweated up a storm frantically hunting her last release today and she needed it. His shampoo would have to do as she didn’t keep toiletries here, it was too personal and also a tell-tale sign to any visiting friends or potential partners that a member of the opposite sex regularly used the facilities. Rule seven – keep it secret.

The handle on the door clicked, making Izzy still herself, waiting with bated breath. Listening, she heard the soft padding of bare feet as Bucky entered the bathroom. It wasn’t unusual for him to come in to take a leak while she showered, or to wash up but it was unusual for him to join her.

He slid the shower curtain back slowly, letting his gaze slide up over her soap-slicked body to her face. He offered a cheeky and slightly apologetic smile as he glanced down to his cock, which was fully hard again, standing proud.

Izzy followed his eyes, as was his intention, sighing when she saw him. Bucky had a pretty cock, long enough that she couldn’t get it all down her throat and wide enough that the tips of her fingers only just met when she grasped him. He was a little veiny too, velveteen skin smooth over his rigid and slightly knobbled shaft. His head was pronounced with a deep ridge below and was a deep dusky pink just like his lips.

“Get in here, Barnes.” She said with a laugh. It wasn’t a good idea to allow herself to think that she’d missed him, but she had. He was one of her closest friends after all, how could she not miss him. But that wasn’t what she meant and she knew it.

Bucky climbed in, crowding her against the cold wall where he dropped the blue foil packet of the skinless condom he favoured, onto the shower rack.

“Can’t get enough?” She teased him when his face was awkwardly close to hers. They both knew the rules, no kissing, but there had been times when he’d looked at her like he really wanted to and that did something wonderful deep down in her tummy. This was one of those times.

“Apparently not.” He smirked, sliding his hand up from its resting place on her hip to bury his fingers into her wet hair.

His mouth was on her neck in seconds as he ignored the water splashing directly in his face. He licked and sucked gently at the erogenous zone beneath her ear, sending a fluttering of arousal through her body. Grazing his teeth down her neck he nipped at the skin in the bowl of her clavicle before cupping her breast and delving down to bring her nipple to his lips, and sucking it inside.

“Jesus, you know how much I like it when you do that.” Izzy moaned, still carefully choosing her words. They both avoided the minefield of the other ‘L’ word; if it was never used when they fucked then it could never be misunderstood.

“I do.”

He grinned against her skin, nipple poised between his teeth as he applied more pressure. When he repeatedly flicked the end of his tongue over the pinched nub she swore vilely, legs weakening dangerously fast.

“And I enjoy how easily it turns you into a soaking mess of gorgeousness.” Bucky slid his free hand from his securing hold on her hip, down between her thighs to stroke his fingers across her labia. 

Izzy knew she was already wet. Bucky had that effect on her, as soon as his lips were on her skin she practically melted.

“Fucking hell, Bella!” He exclaimed with a groan.

She didn’t know why it surprised him every single time, but it did. He was a fine one to talk with his ridiculous refractory period of… what was that? Seven minutes? Eight minutes?

Pushing a long finger inside, he watched her face as her eyes fluttered shut. Hooking his finger into the soft front wall of her vagina he pulled and rubbed until her hips bucked against him. The second finger opened her eyes and she watched him watching her, a rapt look of adulation on his face that made her want to cry. He was beautiful, rich deep blue-grey eyes that were blown out in a lust-filled gaze, sharp cheekbones, chiselled jaw which was clean shaven, sumptuous lips with a perfect cupid’s bow. Bucky had that James Dean hair style down pat but right now it was an adorably wet mess.

She leaned in, eyes moving between his and his perfect mouth. Jesus, she wanted to kiss him but… rules.

As if sensing it coming he lent his forehead against hers, stopping the motion immediately. He rubbed his thumb over her clit to distract her and bring her back to the pleasure she felt growing from where his fingers were buried between her legs.

Izzy looked down, tracing the tense muscles that ran from his shoulder, all the way down to his wrist and further down to where his hand was working her into a frenzy.

“James!” She gasped as he sped up, pumping her ruthlessly until she clenched down hard and spasmed through a particularly intense but short-lived orgasm. It was enough to make her gush and she couldn’t stop it. “Ahh damn!”

Izzy tried to pull away, embarrassed but Bucky held her against him tightly, keeping her on her feet as her knees gave out momentarily.

“There it is.” Bucky smoothed his cheek against hers. “You won’t ever let me do that in the bed.” He offered an devilish chuckle.

“You know that’s pee right?”

“Sure.” He said, circling both nipples with his thumbs once she could stand again. “It’s still hot though.”

When Izzy reached down to take hold of his cock, he lifted her hand away, resting it on his chest. His black and grey tattoo of World War Two soldiers silhouetted against a cloudy sky with a field of bright red poppies in the foreground lay under her fingers.

“No fair.” She pouted.

“It’s plenty fair.” He pinned her with a look that said he was going to get what he wanted regardless of begging and tantrums. “You called me for sex so it’s only fair that I do my job.”

“Oh… Ahhh!” She gasped when he pinched both nipples and rolled them between thumb and finger. “I’d say… you did… your job… pretty well…. earlier.” She moaned, speaking in broken sentences as he tugged the pleasure out of her with each pinching assault.

“Get the rubber.” He groaned, moaning in tandem with her as if the mere sound of her pleasure was enough to bring him off.

She took an extra few seconds with the condom, taking the opportunity to slide her thumb around his tip and over his straining frenulum. He pulled his hips back and gave her a chastising look. He directed her and she turned as required, leaning back against him and feeling him incredibly hard resting right between her cheeks. 

She wasn’t sure when the desperate need to have him inside her again took hold but she found herself reaching behind and trying to guide him into her, tilting her hips to give him access.

“Not yet, sweetheart.” Pet names were something they were supposed to steer clear of. Just like when they fucked she would call him James instead of Bucky and he would call her Bella instead of Izzy, it lent an air of detachment.

She braced herself, legs slightly spread and both hands against the wall. The thrill of anticipation was growing, she knew he was going to fuck her sore and she didn’t care. Water splashed in her face as she waited for his touch but it seemed as if he was just watching her. With a subtle shake of her hips she drew a sigh from him.

“Stop staring and fuck me.”

“Don’t worry darlin’, I won’t disappoint you. I was just checking out all the things I’m not allowed to look at normally.” He slapped and squeezed her butt before sliding his hands up over her hips and ribs to cup her breasts and squeeze. “Your tits are amazing by the way.”

“James.” She sighed as he pulled her to him, hands massaging her breasts while he ground himself against her ass.

She pushed back against him, letting him know she was getting impatient. The tightly coiled spring of pleasure that he’d wound up in her was starting to loosen and she really didn’t want to lose such a glorious feeling.

His hand between her legs made her clench. His fingers only skimmed between her lips briefly to help him guide himself inside, then she felt the slightly cool smoothness of his rubber sheathed cock seeking entrance. Once he was pushing against her opening both hands went to her hips and he pushed himself slowly inside her with a sigh.

The condom snagged against her as he pushed in but it wasn’t bad. Rubber always created more drag than skin and dried everything out faster too. Lucky for her that she was always a little on the wetter side.

Seeming to sense that her thoughts weren’t quite with him, he shoved himself against her, hard. Burying himself deep enough to knock her cervix slightly which made her gasp and clench around him tighter.

“Jesus, fuck, Bella.” He moaned in her ear like a supplication for strength.

His lips grazed her jaw as he picked up the pace, pulling her back against him harder as he fucked her. The satisfying slap of wet skin coming together almost drowned out her gasps and pleas for more. Open mouthed kisses against her cheek and neck as he breathed ragged and uneven, desperately seeking to be deeper, fill her more, feel her completely lose it as she came.

She was close, every muscle clenched as she followed him where he led her. The blinding hot tension just kept building and building until she couldn’t take it anymore. She grabbed his hand and shoved it down to where they were joined.

Bucky knew what she needed and he happily obliged, pinching her clit just above the sensitive bud, and using the hood he stroked his pinching fingers down and back up. It only took the one stroke for her to come undone and she cried out louder than either of them expected.

The wave of her orgasm coursed through her body like a tingling cascade of heat and intensity before settling as a pulsing and spasming pleasure around his cock.

He fucked her through it, grinning as he bit down gently on her shoulder. He slowed but didn’t stop.

The water was getting cold and she reached to turn it off.

“Leave it.” He rumbled, low, trailing his lips along her jaw again, dangerously close to her lips. “Goosebumps are a great look on you.”

He pinched her nipples playfully. They were cold, hard and aching to the point of discomfort but she arched her back, pushing her breasts into his hands, needing more warmth from him, and more friction.

“You want me to carry on?” He asked, knowing she’d say yes. Rule number five – both of them had to get off.

Izzy nodded, pushing back against him as he lazily ground into her. She lifted one foot onto the side of the tub, opening herself up to him and he obliged by angling himself deeper, pushing the tip of his cock right over her g-spot.

“Fuck!” She twitched.

He did it again, and again, and again.

“Oh god, James!”

“Yeah, you want more of that, huh?”

Izzy nodded, her eyes rolling as she arched her back and leant her head back against his shoulder. Bucky felt glorious and soon she was coming for the third time in the shower but the sixth time that day. He held her against him for a moment, caressing her as she shook and spasmed, coming down from the latest high.

Bucky always felt great to her. The way every part of him seemed to fit against every part of her. No lover she’d ever been with had satisfied her the way he did. Of course she had feelings for him, how could she not, despite their rule that stated otherwise. She made that damn rule. It was just unfortunate that he didn’t feel the same, so she quashed the feelings and just got on with it, living in the moment each time they were together.

“You really need to come soon or you’re going to kill me.” She laughed, breathy and light.

“If that’s what you want.” He murmured against her ear, reaching to shut off the now freezing cold water. “Turn around.”

When Izzy saw his face, her stomach twisted. His eyes were so dark, roving over her whole body, from the angry blush on her face to her reddened and painfully erect nipples, and her quivering thighs. He looked almost proud of himself. He knew he’d wrecked her and he was unrepentant.

“Last one, I promise.” He leant in with a grin, to whisper into the wet hair plastered over her ear.

The way Bucky cradled her was so tender, one arm around her waist while the other hooked behind her knee, lifting her leg to give him better access. He slid in without guidance, causing her eyes to flutter shut for the umpteenth time. Their joint sighs felt like home to her and she let herself be swept away in the slow grind of his hips.

Izzy clung to him, shuddering gasps exhaled into the crook of his neck as he oh-so-slowly broke her down until she was nothing but a weak and shaking mess in his arms.

“Hey,” he crooned, voice soft. “Look at me.”

It was more a request than an instruction, and she did, her eyes finding his. Her heart dropped in her chest, a shuddering half-sob escaping her throat. He looked beautiful, face a mixture of concentration and rapture.

“Stay with me.” He moaned lightly, eyes flickering as he almost lost control. “I need you here with me.”

“I’m here.” She sighed as her stomach fluttered and she throbbed around him in a particularly intense pre-orgasm spasm.

He rested his forehead against hers, eyes locked, jaw slack as he thrust slow and deep. Each stroke pushed her closer and before long she was clinging to him on the precipice of oblivion. Her delicate moans had become throaty and his had deepened to match. The rhythm of his thrusts slightly off as he watched her come undone. Her eyes began to close.

“Please Bella, I need you with me.” His hoarse plea sent a shot straight down to where he was buried deep. “I need to see you.”

“Oh goddddd!” She tipped over the edge so smoothly she wasn’t sure exactly what was happening. The orgasm rolled through her as a warm wave of constant intensity, spreading with each contraction of her walls and each of his meticulously slow thrusts.

He grunted, a moan catching in his throat before he let out the breath he’d been holding. Half laughing in disbelief, his eyes never left her face as he drew her through her pleasure with his own. 

The twitching of his cock faded but he continued to grind into her all the while she spasmed around him. He dropped her leg when she relaxed and slid his hand up to her face, pressing his lips to her forehead he held her there, both of them shaking. The warmth that spread through her was more than just after glow. It had been so personal, so romantic. The way he’d made her feel, the way he’d locked their eyes together, keeping her with him all the way through.

Suddenly she was angry.

“What the hell was that?!” She snapped, pushing him away and slipping in the tub.

He caught her, of course, frantic eyes searching her face for a clue as to why she was so pissed. His mouth tried to form the word ‘what?’ but his throat wouldn’t let the sound come out.

“What the fuck, Bucky!” She scrambled out of the tub, snatching her arm from his hand as soon as she’d cleared the porcelain.

How dare he! Was he trying to toy with her feelings? Getting so personal, so close. He’d never done that before, it was always just sex, no making love. So what was that then?

_Fuck!_

Izzy dressed quickly, her skin still damp and her legs weak. She shook all over as she stumbled into her jeans, her wet hair soaking the shoulders of her top. It was already sticking to her skin anyway so what did a little more water matter.

Bucky emerged hurriedly with a towel around his waist. His face was flushed and he wore a pained expression.

“Bella, please.” He begged but when she shot him a furious look he reverted to her preferred name. “Izzy? Talk to me.”

Izzy’s glare would have wilted roses.

“What did I do?” He looked lost, and there was a small piece of her that felt guilty for reacting so strongly but he had to know he’d broke a rule, a fucking big one!

“Rule eight, Buck.” She exasperated. “Rule fucking eight.”

Of all the rules that they had set, rule eight was one of the big ones, no making love and no sleepovers. It was there to make sure that rule three never happened; don’t catch feelings.

_Fuck!_

Izzy had always had a bit of a problem with her feelings about Bucky, she’d liked him since they were kids living next door to one another, but she’d managed to keep them under wraps because he’d always only been her friend. Now, the feelings burned like the blush on her cheeks and she’d have to bury herself in work to forget about him for a while.

_Fuckfuckfuck!_

He knew. He fucking knew what he’d done, too. As soon as she’d said it his face fell. He reached out to her but she slapped his hand away. Lost for anything to say he simply swallowed and nodded, a glum expression settled on his normally light visage. It was a face that said he knew he might not see her for a while, until she calmed down.

Izzy left Bucky’s apartment, her frown firmly in place until she reached the elevator where the tears came, filling her eyes enough for her to feel like she was drowning but never spilling over. After six weeks of litigation on a case that had seen her traveling all over the world, she’d come home to Brooklyn and sought Bucky out. She’d missed him and the tension in her had been like steel until he’d closed the door of his apartment and she saw the sexy smirk he wore.

_Mother-fuck!_

This was her long weekend before going back to work and picking up her regular case load, she’d wanted to blow off some steam and enjoy herself, now she’d be cancelling all her plans that involved seeing Bucky, crying-off citing excuses of work and tiredness. All because he couldn’t resist teasing her with her own feelings.

He’d never been that cruel, and he definitely had to know she’d always liked him, everyone else did for fuck sake. She knew she couldn’t have him though, he’d never so much as waivered when it came to romance with her, even after they became friends with benefits. It was like he was impervious. So why rub it in her face now?

_Fuckity-fuckfuckfuck!_


	2. Belated Prologue Pt. One - The Marvellous Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback...
> 
> The innocence of kids and the angst-filled hearts of teens. Bucky's heart is breaking, so he runs...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried like a grieving widow when I wrote some parts of this. There's a chance I didn't catch some of the typos through the dribbling mess that was my eyes.
> 
> There's no smut here. This, and the next few chapters, is the back story of how Izzy and Bucky became friends with benefits.

Bucky Barnes and Stevie Rogers lived on the same street when they were kids. Six doors down on opposite sides. Their families had moved in on the same day and, at eight years old, they became inseparable. Playing out in the street with all the other kids, getting into trouble. Where you would find one, the other was sure to be nearby. They were, and still are, best friends.

Izzy Freeman and her family moved in a couple of months later, right next door to the Barnes’ (which was Bucky, his mother Dolores and his grandpa Joe), and she quickly became part of their club. They called themselves The Marvellous Three and would play imaginary games of good against evil with the other local kids. Although none were ever as close as the three of them were.

Stevie made the gang so he was the boss. He had this battered old trashcan lid that he painted with the star spangled banner, and a beat up old wooden toy sword. Bucky had a plastic toy gun that had once made a ra-ta-ta-ta noise when he pulled the trigger but that hadn’t worked right since a week after he got it, so he made his own noises. And Izzy, she was the coolest one of the three, she had a catapult that really worked. They would hang out in the field at the end of the street and pelt stones at rusty old beer cans and clouded glass bottles they had lined up in the dirt.

Old memories fondly remembered.

Growing up poor in Brooklyn wasn’t easy at times. Bucky remembered being fourteen and having to save his pocket money for three months just to go to the Summer Fairground down by Jamaica Bay. It was only there for a week in the school holidays and his mother had allowed him to go, stating that he’d have to save up himself, do chores around the house, earn his pocket money. So he had, saving all of his $2 a week. It wasn’t much but at least he’d be able to go with Stevie and Izzy, and actually go on some rides, maybe buy a hotdog.

Izzy’s dad drove them and said he’d pick them up at 7 o’clock. They had freedom, a bit of cash and each other, what could go wrong? 

Turns out that plenty of things could go wrong, and Bucky found himself in a scuffle with a much older boy who wanted to steal his game tokens. The sensible thing to do would be to give up the tokens, but Bucky decided to fight. He’d planned on winning enough tokens to trade in for a cute white dog plushie to give to Izzy, but rather than give in and save himself a beating he’d fought, scrapping in the mud with a boy much bigger and stronger than he was. That was the thing about Bucky, he was thick-headed and stubborn.

Stevie was scrawny back then, Bucky was short and Izzy was just a girl. The Marvellous Three against maybe ten older teens was never going to end well.

Bucky scrapped with the kid for what felt like ages, but you know how it is with time and adrenaline, everything slows and you feel like time is treacle; viscous and pensive. He gave as good as he got, for a smaller kid he was fast and determined.

The other kids held Stevie back to make sure he didn’t intervene but left Izzy because girls don’t fight boys. Only Izzy wasn’t your average run-of-the-mill girl, she was one of them and therefore different. She stood apart from them, out of the way, watching as Bucky fought. Later she’d tell him that she knew he could win so she didn’t step in but when the other boys saw he was getting the upper hand on their friend they joined in the fight. Totally unfair.

Izzy had a few small pebbles in her pocket and her catapult; she always carried them even when Stevie had out grown his love of that trashcan shield and Bucky’s toy gun was long broken. The first stone struck one of the boys in the leg – he cried out in confusion, searching for the source. Izzy had quickly pelted the rest of the stones into the group, dissuading some of them from joining in. Seeing that she was out of ammo, one of the boys went for her.

Bucky thought he remembered seeing that happen but he couldn’t be sure it was his own memory or one made from them discussing the events afterward. Either way he was being kicked and punched all over, a pretty bad beating considering they were just kids, and she was about to get a beating herself.

Izzy had a roll of pennies and a bag of boiled sweets which she was prepared to use as ammunition, so she did, loading the cherry-flavoured round and firing at the oncoming boy’s head. There was blood and a busted lip for him, and they’d later learn he’d lost a tooth too.

She burned through the candy and started on the pennies which was dangerous and they all knew it. The coins had been for the arcade machines but there was no chance of them staying to play those after this.

Finally, Stevie was free and the main bulk of the other kids backed away. The big kid was on the ground and Bucky was standing over him with a bloodied face and bloody knuckles. They separated and dispersed. The marvellous Three had won fair and square.

Looking at Izzy then, her skin flushed and a fire in her eyes, Bucky decided that he loved her. A fourteen year old’s crush turned to something much deeper than a nervous fluttering in the chest; Bucky burned for her. He didn’t know exactly what it all meant but he felt it and knew he’d always be hers.

By the end of that summer, Stevie was going through a phase where he wanted to be called Ste and Bucky was starting a growth spurt that made his bones itch and ache. He followed suit with Ste, choosing to be called Jimmy because Bucky was too childish and James was too old. Izzy was still Izzy though she began to change also, in not too subtle ways that both boys noticed more than they let on.

There was one discussion that Bucky remembered where he and Steve had confessed to each other that they had a crush on her. Bucky understated his feelings and he didn’t know about Steve but they made a pact that they wouldn’t pursue her unless she made a choice for herself – if she did, no hard feelings and if she didn’t then the status quo would remain.

After high school two of the Marvellous Three went to college. Izzy wanted to be a lawyer and Steve (now over his Ste phase) wanted to be in law enforcement. Bucky couldn’t help feel that Steve had chosen a law related course to curry favour with Izzy, but she never treated either of them any differently than she always had. Her and Steve were close but she would always laugh more with Bucky, so they were even in his eyes.

Bucky, who was still in the midst of his Jimmy phase, took an engineering apprenticeship that at the time was just a means to an end – a job that paid and didn’t require a whole bunch of sterling grades or qualifications. He was a smart kid but lacked the ambition to do better, he was easily distracted and always seemed to find trouble.

At the end of their final college year, Bucky passed his apprenticeship and became officially employed. Steve and Izzy had both finished their final exams so they all went to an end-of-college house party to celebrate.

He would never forget that night because the next day was when everything changed for him.

Izzy looked amazing in her spaghetti-strap summer dress and ballerina pumps. The hem of the dress moved lightly as she walked, touching her sun-kissed skin a few inches above her knees. Her slender arms were bared and her graceful was neck exposed by her softly arranged up-do. To Bucky she’d never been more beautiful.

He remembered the nerves in his gut when he’d seen Steve flirting and then kissing a girl from his criminal law class. Though they’d both dated girls in college, neither of them had ever thought twice about their ‘Izzy pact’, until Bucky had, right then. Steve had pretty much gotten over his crush but Bucky, well, Bucky was never getting over Izzy. Never.

They danced and drank, talked and laughed all night. Everything about her was effortless, she was perfect, like a doll, and that’s where that pet name began.

She laughed and attacked him with tickling fingers when he first called her that, play fighting on the sofa before settling back in a tangle of limbs and shared laughter. He’d snapped a picture of them together then, her breathless with a mischievous glint in her eyes, him looking like he was drowning in his love for her. It would be a photo he’d keep forever.

At the end of the night, waiting for their taxi home to their neighbouring houses, emboldened by booze and the warm glow of her skin he’d asked her out on a date.

“Ask me tomorrow.” She’d smiled ruefully and squeezed his hand.

It wasn’t ‘no’ but it wasn’t ‘yes’ either. He couldn’t deny the lost and empty feeling that wrenched his insides. Was she telling him that because she thought he was drunk and didn’t mean it? Or was it because he was drunk and she hoped he’d forget? Maybe she didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

He’d just nodded and tried to distract himself by looking for Steve. He was just about to text him when a message came through saying ‘Don’t wait up’. Looked like Steve was getting his end away that night, lucky fucker.

The next day, slightly hung-over, Bucky had knocked on Izzy’s door. Mrs Freeman answered and invited him in. There was a buzz about the place, intense excitement charged the air.

Izzy came practically tumbling down the stairs and into his arms where she hugged him tighter than she ever had. Bucky felt his heart swell, thinking she’d remembered what he’d asked her the night before, and her answer was ‘yes’ after all.

He wound his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, burying his face in her neck. Her soft hair caressed his cheek as he inhaled deeply. She smelled amazing, she always smelled amazing, fresh and clean with a delicate musk underlying it all that was the natural scent of her skin.

She pulled back and looked at him with a huge grin. Bucky grinned back, tucking her hair behind her ear tenderly. His eyes searching hers in disbelief that this thing he’d hoped for since he was that fourteen-year-old boy with a fat lip and bloodied knuckles, could actually be his. That _she_ could actually be his.

“I got into Berkeley!” She said gleefully, throwing her arms around him again.

It was a curious feeling. Having your heart ripped out at the same time as pride bloomed in your chest. Bucky felt like he was dying. There was no air, he struggled for breath and his eyes prickled. His gut ached and he felt sick, like really sick, but he had to smile. And he did, he smiled big, letting the tears that formed in his eyes seem like tears of joy. He told her she’d done great and that he was so happy for her, he wasn’t lying, he wanted her to have all of her dreams come true. But those dreams would take her away from him, to another state, for years. Years!

His brain ran the scenarios. Christmas, Easter, summer, that’s when he’d see her. He could make trips to visit, and he would, spending days driving his motorcycle to California just to spend a few hours with her if he couldn’t afford the flights. He already knew he wouldn’t be able to afford the flights, it would be just like being a kid and having to save his pocket money up to go the Jamaica Bay Fairground all over again. Only this time he’d be saving months and months of wages to visit the girl of his dreams in another part of the country. Two days drive. That’s how far away she’d be. Two days with no rest. His heart broke in half.

Early September. That was when term started. Bucky had seven weeks left with her and then she’d be gone. He sat on the front steps of his mom’s place that night, contemplating life without Izzy. He couldn’t ask her to stay, wouldn’t ask. He wouldn’t be that selfish. But he knew he couldn’t stay in this place without her. Three years, four years? And Steve, he’d be going away too, Bucky just wasn’t sure where yet. He felt like his life was falling to pieces in his hands. He never had much anyway but he always had them. Not anymore.

The next morning, after a night of soul searching and tears, Bucky enlisted in the Army.

That summer was one of the most difficult times of his life. Holding onto such heartache, keeping it locked away so as not to mar the time he had left. It was an impossible task.

One week after enlisting in the Army he told Steve. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Izzy yet but he had to tell someone. Steve was his best friend, his first real friend, one of the only two he kept through his whole life growing up.

Steve understood. He was sad, yes, but supportive. Maybe a couple of years away, focusing on other things would straighten Bucky out. They’d see each other whenever they both had leave. Steve was enrolling in the FBI training program here in New York, with an intensive training secondment down in Quantico, Virginia. His academic course was three years long, including the twenty weeks he’d spend down in Quantico. It was certainly better than California.

The following week, Bucky showed up on Izzy’s doorstep. She’d been texting him to come over but he’d purposefully ignored her. She said she needed to talk to him about something and he was both excited and full of dread.

She seemed happy when she let him in, and they’d went into the den – there were no boys allowed in her room. Maybe this would be good news after all. He was so lost in the scenarios running through his head that he didn’t register her staring at him.

“You got something you want to say?” She asked, taking him completely by surprise.

His mind immediately went to Steve. That little rat couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Bucky’s temper had bubbled. He flared his nostrils in annoyance.

“I do, actually, doll.” His heart hammered in his chest, the nickname, the news he was about to confess, it all had him dialled up to ten on the stress scale.

Izzy smiled sweetly, a glimmer of something alluring right there in her eyes.

“I enlisted in the army, Izzy. I leave in two weeks.”

Her face fell, and right then he knew Steve had kept his promise. Tears welled up in her eyes and her chin gave that cute wobble it did when she was trying to hold back a sob. She didn’t ask why, she just nodded, hastily swiping away the tears that had just started to spill past her lower lashes.

The way she stood, pulling the sleeves of that horrifically baggy cardigan over her hands, nervously tugging at the weave, broke his heart. What was he supposed to do? She was going away, leaving him. She didn’t even know what it meant or what it would do to him and she never would. He’d keep it to himself to spare her. Their friendship meant more to him than anything else and he decided right then that he would do absolutely anything to keep her in his life, but right now he was all kinds of fucked up.

This army thing was just to straighten him out, like Steve said, it would be something new to take his mind off everything. He’d stay in touch, keep their friendship alive, and hopefully they’d reconnect on the other side. He just couldn’t be here, in Brooklyn with all the memories of her and not have her here.

Izzy plucked an envelope from the telephone table and wordlessly handed it to him. It was opened and addressed to Isabella Freeman from the University of Yale, Connecticut.

“What’s this?” He asked. Numbness stealing over him.

“Read it.” Her voice was thick with emotion, but it wasn’t the happy kind that had lightly bubbled from her lips when he’d first arrived.

“Dear Isabella,” he read aloud. “As the admissions officer responsible for your area, I would like to offer my personal congratulations on your acceptance to the Yale College class of 2008…”

His voice cracked as he fully understood what this meant. She wasn’t leaving him, he was leaving her. She would only be two hours drive away from their home but him… He was going to Missouri.

Bucky’s hands were shaking as he clutched the letter. His mouth was dry and he worked his throat wordlessly to try to say something, anything. Finally he coughed, clearing his throat.

“This is great news.” He said, offering her the most genuine smile he could. He was happy that she’d gotten into the best law school in the country, ecstatic that she was able to pursue her dreams, but singularly mortified that he had fucked this up so badly. “Have you told Steve yet?”

She shook her head solemnly, her eyes swam with tears she just stared at him.

“He’s gonna freak the fuck out!” Bucky jumped up with a forced smile, deciding that these last two weeks with her were going to be the happiest they’d ever had. “He might even do ‘the dance’.”

Her hesitant laughter was a balm on the aching emptiness within. His soul was practically keening its lament. Two weeks. Fourteen days to enjoy themselves before The Marvellous Three would be broken up and scattered on the winds.

Bucky wanted to lie to Steve and Izzy about his flight time. He wanted to tell them to meet him at the house at 8am when in reality his flight left LaGuardia airport at 8am, but he couldn’t do it. It would be the last time for a long time he’d see either of them. The ripping out of what was left of his heart was worth one last look at both of their smiling faces. The last time in who knew how long that The Marvellous Three would be together.

“Please stay safe.” Izzy said, her lips brushing his ear as she hugged him fiercely. Drawing back she kissed him on the cheek, the corners of their mouths overlapping, lingering there overlong. Suddenly she was gone and turning away to hide her tears. She couldn’t bare to watch him leave so she fled, a sob breaking loose as she hurried away.

“Don’t die, punk.” Steve hugged him forcefully as he reeled from Izzy’s departure.

“You too, jerk.” Bucky patted his back firmly. “I’ll be seeing you.” He stiffened, swallowing hard.

“See you at the end of the line, Buck.”

“The end of the line…” He gave Steve a half-hearted salute before taking a deep breath and one last look at his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit made to this after posting. Harvard changed to Berkeley for location continuity. Thank you to the person who pointed out my mistake.


	3. Belated Prologue Pt. Two - Distance and Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distance and denial - Bucky throws himself into army training. Years of his life pass by in a blur of cancelled leave and forced distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to go too much into detail of Bucky's army career because I don't know all that much about joining or being in the army. This chapter is more about how he struggles to push away his feelings for Izzy. I might do an army flashback later on when a piece of the story calls for it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy. Feel free to let me know what you think. Peace :)
> 
> This chapter is Bucky's POV, in the past.

As far as farewells go, it was horrific. It was all he could do not to break down when Izzy had left him like that, so he just shut himself down and let himself be carried numbly through the airport process.

The flight was a couple of hours but it felt like mere minutes. Bucky just stared out of the window, looking at the clouds below. He didn’t really think of anything in particular, he’d already locked down his emotions so there was no point in dwelling on things. The plane was full of recruits heading to Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri, same as him, and he didn’t want anyone’s first impression of him to be a weeping mess.

The first couple of weeks were hard. Not just the physical side, but the being alone, that was harrowing at first. Sure, he wasn’t really alone, he was _never_ really alone but he was lonely. Eleven years of being part of The Marvellous Three, always having them there with him, even if it was just at the end of the phone. He didn’t know what it was exactly but something about this felt final. Like when he got back, things would never be the same.

One night in the second week, Steve called him. After all his training sessions and his evening meal, he’d settled into his bunk and stared up at the ceiling until his phone rang.

“How you settling in?” he asked.

“It’s not bad.” Bucky said, making his Brooklyn accent thicker to make himself feel more at home. “I mean it ain’t The Ritz.”

They both chuckled. It was good to hear his voice, even though it had only been a couple of weeks since he’d last seen him, Bucky was grateful of the chance to talk to his best friend.

“Is Izzy there with you?” Bucky didn’t know if he hoped she was or hoped she wasn’t.

“Nah.” Steve sighed. “She’s been at home all day with her mom, baking something.”

Bucky’s heart felt heavy. He missed her and would have killed to hear her voice but at the same time he didn’t think he could talk to her and not tear up.

“Baking? She doesn’t bake.”

“I know.” Steve snorted. “I think it’s meant to be a distraction. The local church is having a coffee morning tomorrow. I bet you’re sad you’re missing that.”

“Maybe I am.” He laughed.

“Did you tell her? Before you left, I mean?”

“Tell her what?”

“That you’re in love with her.”

“C’mon Steve.” Why was Steve breaking his balls like that? “I came here to get over that stuff.”

“So, you’re giving her up?”

“Is that what you called me for? To find out if our pact was still in place or to see if the path was clear for you?”

“What if I did? Would you care?”

Bucky sighed. This was so fucked up.

“Nah, man. Knock yourself out.” He pinched the bridge of his nose hard enough to make it throb. “I kinda hoped you’d just called because you’re my best friend and wanted to check up on me.”

“I did. I am.” Steve said. “I just wanted to see where your head was at.”

“Sure, sure.”

“I don’t have feelings for Izzy. You should know that. Not anymore.”

“Then why ask?”

“I was hoping you’d at least be honest about it, just this once.”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh bitterly.

“You didn’t see her, man.” Steve sounded far away.

“I saw enough.” The memory of her kiss goodbye, her expression of anguish, her tears, the harrowing sob as she fled. Oh, yeah, he saw plenty.

There was silence on the line which stretched a couple of seconds out into what felt like minutes.

“Hey, listen, I should go.” Bucky said. “I don’t know whether I’m supposed to have open contact during training and someone just came in here so I’ll talk to you when I can, ok? Tell Izzy I’m good, or tell her you didn’t talk to me, either way it won’t matter.”

They said their goodbyes and Bucky turned over on his bunk, hugging himself for comfort. He was alone in the room and hated lying to Steve but he couldn’t carry on that conversation, it was too painful. Sure, Izzy would miss him, just like he would miss Steve. But for Bucky, being without Izzy was like having a hole in his chest that would never be filled.

She’d pretty much turned him down when he asked her out. Pact be damned he’d went for it and failed. He was her friend only and he had a lot of work to do to get himself to a point where he could be that friend for her, and not want anything else. The distance between them now would help.

The next eight weeks were numbing. Everything was so much more physical, and also mentally draining. Up at dawn, drills, weapons training, endurance training, not to mention his additional engineer’s training. He fell into his bunk each night exhausted. It became easier and easier to forget.

He spoke to Izzy once and Steve twice in that time. With both of them he just stuck to the facts; what training was like, what the food was like, what the people were like, the things he liked best and the things he hated. Izzy told him about college, she was doing well. She didn’t tell him she was dating a guy from her class, he had to hear that from Steve. It hurt but not as much as it would have weeks ago. He felt like he was growing. Growing up, growing as a person, growing apart from his friends.

After that gruelling eight weeks, Bucky passed basic training and moved onto advanced training. It was tougher and more mentally taxing. He threw everything he had at it.

For Christmas he was able to go home. He had one week leave but after seeing Izzy with Damien, smug bastard _Damo_, he cut his leave short and went back two days early. His New Year would be spent how he meant to carry on the next year; by himself and working his ass off to rid himself of his unrequited feelings.

Bucky ploughed his way through all the training he was required to pass, and became a full fledged combat engineer; a sapper. He skipped his leave frequently and when he couldn’t he wouldn’t go home, he’d go somewhere else instead, anywhere he could that was different. Once a month he gave himself a day where he’d get in contact with everyone, it was usually the first of every month.

His mom, Steve and Izzy always picked up the phone, like they were always waiting for him to call. Even when he was on mission, he’d find a way to call. The routine kept him connected but distant enough that he could just focus on what he needed to do.

“I miss you.” Izzy said to him when he called her on her birthday.

“I know.” Was all he could say back. He had to be distant, for his own benefit. Couldn’t’ let the feelings back in.

“Will you visit when you next get leave? I feel like I haven’t seen you all year.”

It had in fact been one year, three months and nine days, but who was counting.

“I’ll try.” Was all he offered.

And try he did, showing up at his Mom’s place for two days only. It was just enough time to see everyone but not enough time to get comfortable again. He decided he could manage more visits like those.

Missions in the middle east were crappy. He hated it, not because of being shot at all the damn time, or even the shitty facilities. It was the heat. He was always sweaty. Sand and dirt got into all the equipment, into your boots and even into your ass crack. The only good thing was the level of focus required of him. He barely had time to think about meals let alone personal shit.

Bucky wrote his Mom often, knowing full well that she’d probably have Steve and Izzy over to read his letters out loud together. They both still answered the phone, every single time he called.

By the end of his second year in the army, Bucky had himself a reputation as a bit of a badass. There was nothing he couldn’t fix, no situation he couldn’t handle, flawless detonations, only successes on his sheet. They called him The Winter Soldier because he was ice cold, calculating and cool in all situations, no matter the heat or _the heat_. Grandpa Joe would have been proud of him.

Joseph James Buchannan was his mother’s father, WW2 survivor, and his namesake. The man had been Bucky’s role model all his life; fearless yet compassionate, kind yet firm, funny yet responsible; strong yet gentle. He was all the things Bucky hoped to be. The remembrance tattoo he recently got on his left pectoral was for the man whose love shaped Bucky’s early life. Sadly he had died when Bucky was only twelve but he remembered the man like he’d known him all his life. Lest we forget.

Time is funny in a way. It slips by when you don’t want it to but sticks like grit in the gears when you want nothing but its hasty passage. Turns out that four years wasn’t all that long when you were as busy as Bucky was. He volunteered for every mission he could, learned everything he was allowed to learn. At the end of his service agreement he left the army as Engineer Sergeant James Buchannan Barnes.

Some things about him felt different, were different. But at the same time he was still that same boy from Brooklyn who catapulted stones at bottles in the dirt with his two closest friends.

He would have been lying to himself if he had said he wasn’t nervous to be going home. All the leave he’d given up had dropped his inactive service requirement down to zero; he was free and clear of the army if he wanted to be.

On the plane home for the last time he was restless. Niggling doubts in his head. Would Steve still want to spend time with him? Would Izzy? At least he didn’t have to worry about a job. Before he’d even left Fort Leonard Wood he was offered a job in his Uncle Tony’s bar, Stark’s Penthouse. Sure, he knew his Mom had pestered Tony until he gave in but it was good to have something to start off with. He didn’t even know what he wanted to do. He wasn’t even sure what his qualifications amounted to out there in the real world, not that the army wasn’t the real world but things certainly worked differently.

Walking through the security doors into the arrivals hall at LaGuardia had been nerve racking. He was equal parts nervous and excited. His Mom had insisted on meeting him off the plane and he knew she’d cry when she saw him. What he hadn’t expected was to see both Steve and Izzy there waiting for him.

Bucky had no sooner passed the barrier than he had his arms full of Izzy. She was squeezing him so tight he could barely breathe but when he did was acutely aware of two things. The first was that the last four years spent trying to get over her had been futile. The second was that he would never not love this woman.

Sweet Jesus, she smelled amazing. He breathed deeply, face buried in her hair, her warm breath on his neck sending tingles down his spine. She was laughing with joy right in his ear, drowning out even the hammering of his own pulse.

Soon Steve joined them, huge arms wrapping around them both. Steve had really bulked up, now he was like a fucking superhero. Bucky was bigger and stronger too but it was all functional muscle, Steve looked like he’d been on roids for four years. Bucky couldn’t help but laugh.

Pulling away from his friends, he dashed to his mom who was waiting behind the railing with a huge smile on her face. Bucky picked her up and spun her around.

“I missed you, ma.” He kissed her on the cheek fiercely. “So, what did I miss?”

Turned out he had missed quite a lot.

Steve was now employed by the FBI and, although he couldn’t say too much about the cases he was working on, he was happy. Steve was always the one to do the right thing, moral, virtuous, good. He seemed to get a sense of fulfilment from his job which few people can say they have. Bucky was proud of him.

Izzy had been taken on by a Manhattan law firm on a trial basis where she specialised in white collar crime. She too was happy. The excitement with which she talked about the work she was doing was infectious and Bucky found himself rapt, not just by her passion but by the woman she had become in his absence. Confident and exuberant, at twenty-four, she had grown so much from that nineteen-year-old girl he’d left behind. Now she was radiant and beautiful on a whole other scale, it wasn’t just her ways that had grown, she had developed a knock-out body to go with it. He was already drowning in rekindled love by the end of his first day back and that was before he added lust on top of it. She _was_ single now though, citing being too busy with her career to deal with man-drama, so that was at least something. Bucky was happy she’d ditched Damien; he was an asshole.

Bucky learned from his mom that his biological father had passed away recently; heart attack. He couldn’t’ feel sad about it having never known the man, but it seemed to have struck Dolores deep. His mom had once loved the man who had beat her and left her while she was pregnant with their child. Thankfully she’d stayed away from him and raised her child as a single parent with the help of her father, the amazing man, Bucky’s grandpa Joe.

Dolores had already cried her tears long ago for Bucky’s father but knowing he was gone from this world with no possibility of any further closure, she had lost a little piece of herself. It was true what they said that when you love someone they will always carry a piece of your heart with them. In Bucky’s mom’s case, that piece had gone to the grave with Charles Barnes.

A door closed on part of his life then. Like Dolores, he too had no further chance of closure with the man who had helped give him life. Part of Bucky wished he’d made a point of seeking the man out, going just to show him that he’d succeeded in making something of his life; Engineer Sergeant Barnes had a nice ring to it. But once you’d avoided contact for so many years it became easier to let it slide for the rest. Now it was too late, but Bucky wasn’t cut up about it, it was just a passing thought he had that maybe he wanted to smugly say to the man ‘we didn’t need you anyway’.


	4. Belated Prologue Pt. Three - The Devotion of Bucky Barnes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through thick and thin, friendship and love trump all else. Even shit-head boyfriends, late night rescues and a suggestion leaves that Bucky confused and torn.

Working the bar at The Penthouse, or Stark’s as he preferred to call it, was alright as far as jobs went. He’d been there three years and a couple of months already and he practically ran the place. Uncle Tony had semi-retired, stomach ulcers and a dodgy ticker making it difficult for him to keep up these days. Bucky didn’t mind, he enjoyed the challenge of running the busy bar and grill.

He’d managed to get Tony to agree to swap out the neon ‘Penthouse’ facia for a hand finished brass one against a weathered dark wood back that Bucky had finished himself. The whole thing was lit from above, giving it a cosy homely feel. The sign now read ‘Stark’s Bar & Grill’ and sat much better with the feel of the inside than the gawdy red neon ever had.

When you saw the neon coupled with the name you expected a seedy club with sticky floors and scantily clad staff, but in reality you walked in to a friendly atmosphere, comfy informal seats, dark woods and soft lighting, good music, good beer and good food. That had never changed about Stark’s but now that the outside reflected the inside, Bucky found that the type of clientele was changing for the better. No more rude and pretentious sleezeballs coming in to pick up an easy lay. No more having to escort drunk assholes off the premises because they got handsy with the waitresses. No more clearing up needles and swiping for drugs residue on the toilet paper dispensers. Much less stress, and much more enjoyment at work.

Bucky was happy. Well, as happy as he could be when he saw Izzy walking in late one Friday night on the arm of some lawyer douchebag. They were all douchebags to him no matter how nice they were, how well they treated her or how honourable they seemed, Bucky always internalised how much he disliked them. Outwardly he was his usual charming self, happy-go-lucky, funny, supportive. If this was the only way he could have Izzy in his life then he’d take it. He’d take anything for her.

“Hey you!” She said, leaning on the bar, smiling big, already half cut. She’d had several drinks already by the look of her glowing cheeks.

“Hey, hey!” He smiled, basking in the glow of her happiness. “Night on the town tonight?” Bucky glanced over her shoulder to see the back of the man she’d walked in with as he made his way to the restroom.

“Yeah, Brad took me out tonight. We’re celebrating.”

Her joy was contagious, and Bucky couldn’t help but feel happy for her even if there was a thread of sadness woven through his mirroring emotions.

“Oh, so that’s the infamous _Brad_?” Bucky nodded appraisingly. Izzy had mentioned him before and from what he had seen, Brad looked like your average run-of-the-mill lawyer type, crisp suit, neat hair, manicure, overconfident, _boring._ “What’s the occasion?”

Izzy and Brad had been seeing each other for a few weeks but not dating. He hoped to god that she wasn’t going to say they were officially together.

“We won our case today. That embezzlement one I couldn’t really talk about? Yeah, we got him on everything.”

“That’s awesome!” Bucky reached and gave her had a quick squeeze. “First drinks on me, then.” 

His grin turning into a chuckle that had him scrunching his nose up. Sometimes he did it on purpose because Izzy had once told him it was the cutest thing she’d ever seen, but not this time. This time, her jubilation had him genuinely happy for her, and if Brad made her happy then so be it.

Bucky got to mixing a couple of her favourite drink; a sidecar. He didn’t see Brad return from the restroom.

“Bucky?”

“What’s up, doll?” He turned away from his station to see a frown on blonde Brad’s face. The nickname, _shit._

“Brad, this is Bucky, one of my oldest friends.” Izzy smiled sweetly as Brad eyed Bucky with contempt.

“It’s great to meet you, man.” Bucky hastily wiped his hands on his bar towel and reached to shake the man’s hand.

It could have gone one of a few ways at that point. Brad could have declined the gesture and looked like a petty asshole – win for Bucky. He could have shook with him and used excessive force – showing that Brad was territorial. He could have shook and Bucky could have given him ‘the death grip’ – thus showing Brad that Bucky was firmly in Izzy’s life. Brad could have shook amicably showing he wasn’t threatened by Bucky. Or Bucky could have given him the weakest handshake possible and made Brad feel more dominant.

Bucky already knew what kind of man Brad was so he gave him the standard grip and received a death grip in return. Brad was feeling threatened already, this wasn’t going to end well for him. Izzy was independent and firm when it came to controlling boyfriends.

Bucky smiled warmly, catching Izzy watching their hands as Brad tried to ring the living shit out of Bucky’s fingers. The white knuckles were a warning flag but would she read that much into it?

“I’ve heard a lot about you, _Bucky_.” The blonde almost sneered his name.

“All bad I presume.” Bucky smiled cheekily. “I’m a terrible friend.”

“You’re an amazing friend.” Izzy fell for the weak bait, she really had drank too much already. “You and Steve. My best friends forever.” She offered Bucky her pinky finger to pinky swear like when they were kids.

Brad actually blanched a little and Bucky couldn’t help but feel slightly smug. She _had_ just kind of announced that Bucky held perpetual residence in the friend zone which should have made Brad happy, but prospective boyfriends always looked to long-term friend zone residents to see what kind of qualities kept a man in the life of someone as gorgeous as Izzy. Brad was on borrowed time already.

Several drinks later, Bucky rang the bell for last orders. Izzy and Brad had moved off to a quiet table in a darker area of the bar but when the bell rang, the man jumped up to get once last round in before closing.

“Two martini’s.” Brad said rudely.

Should Bucky tell him she doesn’t like martinis? Should he politely offer him something else? He decided that Brad needed to get to know Izzy of his own accord and, while she wouldn’t thank him for it later, Bucky shouldn’t interfere.

“No problem.” Was all he said and quickly mixed the drinks whilst completing an order for another customer.

Izzy obviously hadn’t told Brad that there could be a chance of a lock-in which meant that she either wanted to go home with him or wanted to cut the night short because she didn’t want to go home with him.

She came by the bar on her way to the bathroom a few minutes later.

“You really let him buy me a martini?”

Bucky just shrugged. _Mia culpa._

“I see what you’re up to Barnes. Trying to keep me all to yourself.” She laughed at her own joke before sauntering off with a pronounced stagger.

She had no idea how close to the truth she was. Bucky would love nothing more than for her to realise that she felt the same was he did and to give him the chance he never had.

_That college party._ He thought bitterly.

After closing, Bucky cleared up the bar and lounge. Tony came out of the office to help out. It had been a busy night but not busy enough to ask the old man to help with service. They had a crew of cleaners that came in at 7am to do the furniture, dusting, floors and bathrooms, so once the tables were clear he focused on behind the bar. It was almost 2am when his phone rang. It was Izzy.

“Are you still awake?” She sobbed down the phone.

“Yeah, I’m still at the bar.” He said frowning as she sniffled on the other end. “What’s wrong?”

He swore to himself, if that asshole had hurt her, he was gonna give him a beating.

“Can you come get me? Please, Bucky! I can’t get a cab anywhere and I don’t know where the hell I am.”

His temper flared. That idiot had stranded her someplace on her own at 2 o’clock in the fucking morning.

“What’s near you? Give me street names? Anything.” He had already grabbed his leather jacket and the keys to his bike. “Tony! Lock up please!” He hollered as he burst through the doors.

Izzy had given him two street names; Jamaica and Oregon. That was in Long Island for fucks sake, an hour away.

Bucky drove like a maniac. The longer Izzy was stood on a damn street corner in the middle of the night the more he worried. Angry didn’t cut it to describe how he felt as he sped down the I495, pushing 100mph. If he got caught speeding he couldn’t care about a fine, or points on his licence, he only cared that he got to Izzy as soon as possible.

Pulling up on the corner or Jamaica and Oregon, he parked the bike and killed the engine. She wasn’t there waiting and he prayed that nothing had happened to her.

“Izzy!” He called as loud as he dared.

There was shuffling from the darkened doorway of someone’s house. She’d been smart and hid in the shadows so no one would see her just standing waiting. He thanked the heavens for this small mercy.

Izzy stepped forward, uneasy on her feet and he went to her, pulling her into a hug. She slid her hands around his waist and settled against his warmth. She was freezing cold.

“Jesus, woman!” Bucky hissed. “You’ve got icicles for fingers.” Chuckling he squeezed her closer.

Bucky felt lucky that Izzy was quite comfortable with this level of contact from him, and from Steve. They were always close. Hugs, even holding hands wasn’t outside boundaries of their friendship.

“What happened?” He extracted himself from her embrace when she had nothing to say to him.

She was crying.

“What did that asshole do?” Bucky was protective. He was sure she saw it as big brother treatment but for him she was like a precious porcelain doll, something to be adored, treasured and loved.

“He didn’t do anything.” She said thickly. “We had a fight and he kicked me out of the car.”

“He drove you here?” Bucky knew his eyebrows were practically scraping his hairline. “In that state? He drunk drove you?”

She nodded, fresh tears welling up.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok.” He rubbed his hands up and down her bare and freezing arms. She’d lost her jacket. “I’ll get you home and we can talk about it later, okay?”

Bucky shrugged off his leather jacket and draped it around her shoulders. He’d be fucking cold by the time they got back home but he’d endure it for her. Anything for her.

The logistics of riding a bike with a drunk woman wearing a pencil skirt were something he didn’t want a repeat of. They tried having her behind him with her skirt pushed up so he would fit between her legs. That didn’t work, she was too unsteady, though Bucky did appreciate the few moments he spent pushing her skirt up her thighs and settling himself with her arms around his waist.

In the end he had to ride with her side-saddle and in front. She clung to him as he drove, slower than his outbound journey because of his precious and precariously balanced cargo. She wore his helmet for safety and he drove, wind-chilled and bleary-eyed for almost 2 hours.

“Keys.” He said when they finally got to her apartment.

“I got nothing.” She grumbled, patting _his _pockets as if they’d miraculously be in there.

“You lost your bag?” He groaned. “Right ok. Your folks place?”

She looked at him with a frown.

“Nah, your mom will kill me for waking the house up.” He racked his brain quickly for viable options. “My place? I’ll take the sofa.”

“I’ll take the sofa.” She slurred. “It’s your bed, you should sleep there.”

“Yeah, ok, Princess Isabella.” Bucky snorted. He knew he’d get his way, even if he had to carry her to his bed himself. And goddamn if that didn’t stir up some perfect imagery right there.

Bucky’s apartment wasn’t far, only a few blocks, but he still drove carefully. After she dressed herself in one of his t-shirts, a pair of sweatpants and some cosy socks, he deposited her in his bed. She was already lethargic so didn’t put up a fight when he scooped her up off the sofa and carried her bridal-style through to his room at the back.

_There is something wonderful about seeing a woman wearing your baggies_, he thought.

“You’re too good to me.” She mumbled, her eyes closed peacefully.

Exactly how far gone she was he did not know. He wondered how much she’d remember in the morning. Would she remember him sliding her skirt up her thighs on the back if his bike, or the way he’d bit his lip in sheer adulation? Would she remember if he confessed his feelings to her now?

Of course that was a stupid idea.

“Yeah well you owe me, Freeman.” He jested. “And I _will _collect.”

“Why do men have to be such assholes?” She flung the covers back with half-hearted petulance. Bucky could tell he wasn’t getting to sleep any time soon.

“We just are.”

“Not youuuu!” She patted his face awkwardly, hand flailing around as she fumbled blindly.

It was a moment like this when he wished he could take her hand and lay a kiss against her palm. Something simple and sweet.

“I’m an asshole too, Izzy.” He said with honesty. _Just not to you. Never to you._

“Ooooh! Did I tell you about _Brad_?” She enunciated the name childishly. Bucky couldn’t help but laugh at her pouty huff.

“Actually, you didn’t. Why don’t you go ahead and tell me about _Brad_.” He copied her tone, making her giggle. God she was beautiful, even drunk and annoying as she was right now.

“Oh he’s a dick!” Now she was amusingly indignant. “That asshole told me he didn’t like you being my friend. Said you were in love with me. That you wanted to have sex with me.”

Bucky’s face went from amused to thunderous in all of half a second.

“Do you, Bucky?” She still had her eyes closed as she continued to talk, a child-like innocence softening her face. “I mean, I told him ‘no way, not Bucky. He’s been my friend all my life'. You’re my friend right, Buck?”

He stammered some kind of affirmation, not knowing what to say. He’d had an opportunity, only for a split second, to jump in and say ‘yes I love you’ before she made it clear again that they were only friends.

"Always?" Her eyebrows knitted together.

“Friends, always.” Was all he could say, swallowing hard.

“Pinky promise?”

He scooped her little finger up in his and gave it a squeeze.

“Pinky promise.” He said, barely above a whisper. Somewhere in his chest something was breaking. He would always have her, in some way, she’d always be in his life and he felt like maybe it was just enough.

“We should get that tattooed on.” She sighed.

He laughed then, a little nervous but nevertheless amused by her train of thought. If she was willing to get something tattooed on her skin that linked her to him then he’d do it.

“Maybe we should.” He still held her finger with his.

“Why can’t I find a boyfriend like you?”

Oh, now there was a nail in a coffin if he ever saw one. Jesus would this night of torment never stop?

“I find guys who turn into psychos when you start dating them, like _Damien_. And ones that think they own you because you sleep with them a couple of times, like Brad. Ugh!” She grumbled, eyes still closed.

_So she slept with Brad, then._

“And if you can’t be bothered with all the bullshit that comes with the sex you’re stuck with a string of one night stands that are stupendously unsatisfying.” Izzy preached to herself. “I’m done with relationships, Bucky! I’ve had enough of being dictated to and manipulated. I’ll settle for regular sex with someone who isn’t a douchebag and who won’t try to own me.”

“You’re saying you want a friend with benefits? A fuck buddy?”

“Exactly!” She nodded in agreement, enthusiastically enough that the idea wouldn’t leave his head.

“There are plenty of people who would be willing to do that with you, Izzy. Hundreds.”

“Would you?”

Now there was the million dollar question right there. Would he? Of course he would. In a fucking heartbeat! He wanted her any way he could have her. But their friendship… What if it ended because he couldn’t keep his cock in his pants?

“I dunno, Izzy, we’re really good friends. I’d rather not lose you because of some sex we had.” He said trying to keep his racing heart from jumping up into his throat.

“Well obviously we’d have rules.” She scoffed comically. “C’mon Buck, it’s just _sex_.”

Bucky found himself grinning, heat rising in his cheeks.

“You’re very drunk, Izzy.” He said, releasing her pinky finger finally. “If you remember this conversation in the morning and it’s something you still want, then I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Okay…” She sighed with a happy smile.

She’d not once opened her eyes as they’d talked. He knew she was wasted and he would never take advantage but at the same time he felt like he’d been offered something that he’d never even hoped to have. This was a little like role reversal; that night at the college part when he’d asked her out and she’d told him to ask her in the morning. The shoe was now on the other foot, except what Bucky had asked for was a potential lifetime of love and commitment, what Izzy had asked for was random no-strings sex. They weren’t the same at all.

Bucky felt confident that she would forget the whole conversation but it still niggled at the front of his mind as he tried to sleep on his not-long-enough sofa. The ghost of a feeling followed him down into darkness. Tender lips on his and soft skin beneath his hands, the giddy thrill of love in his chest, and the alluring scent he knew better than his own; Izzy filled his dreams like she filled his heart - completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucky for Bucky that Izzy was drunk when asshole Brad outed Bucky's feelings, or unlucky, depending on how you look at it. I hope I conveyed the extent of her drunkenness and how much Bucky will do to take care of her. He really is in over his head.
> 
> This chapter is actually split in two from my original plan because it was a behemoth of a chapter. Hopefully it works as two, and that you've enjoyed it.
> 
> See you in the next chapter for the inevitable proposition and some awkward moments where Bucky is almost eaten alive ;)


	5. Belated prologue Pt. Four - The Proposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Salaciously the seduction goes down. The situation and the proposition have Bucky feeling uncomfortable. What can he do when he's simultaneously offered something he's always wanted and put in a position to lose it all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers, and thank you for stopping by to check out my latest play thing. I really can't put this down, and yes I'm neglecting my other stories - it's like my brain wants to start things but not finish them :/ 
> 
> I know I mentioned it back in one of the other chapters but I love a good cocktail and wanted to reiterate Izzy's favourite cocktail is a sidecar, a cognac and Cointreau concoction that's strong, flavoursome and classy. Nom.
> 
> There's some (bad?) flirting in this chapter but no smut. Hope you like :)

In the morning, Bucky woke up to the smell of coffee brewing. Izzy stood in his open-plan kitchen hunched forward and leaning against the counter for support.

_She must be feeling real rough_, Bucky thought.

“Morning.” His voice was croaky with sleep.

“Morning.” Izzy didn’t even have the energy to be startled. “Coffee?”

“Please.” He sat up and allowed himself a moment before standing to go to the bathroom. The last thing he needed was to be exhibiting morning wood to his guest. “There’re bagels in the fridge.” He said from the bathroom before closing the door.

Izzy looked cute with her hair all tousled, and ridiculously comical with mascara smears under her eyes. Bucky smirked at her when he accepted the mug of coffee from her shaking hand.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He smirked again as she checked her reflection out in the chrome surface of the kettle.

“Oh, fuck you!” She rolled her eyes and turned her back.

“How you feeling?” He asked after his cup was half gone. His caffeine levels were directly proportional to the amount of socialising he was prepared to do first thing after waking.

“Peachy.” Sarcasm exuded from her tone. “I had a wonderful night.”

“Yeah you seemed to be enjoying yourself until some point down the I495.” Bucky smirked into his cup. “Wana tell me what happened with Brad?” He’d gotten the drunk version last night but the sober version would be more reliable. “Was it really that bad?”

“It’s not bad like ‘I propositioned my best friend for sex’ bad or anything like that, but it’s pretty bad.”

Bucky didn’t know whether to laugh or be shocked. So he did both. Practically inhaling his coffee and spluttering into the cup. It wasn’t exactly a voluntary choice.

Izzy looked concerned for a moment until Bucky held his hand up to say he was ok. He wiped the coffee off his chin before looking at her with a sad smile.

“I’m so sorry, Bucky.” She had tears in her eyes. “You were so good to me and I had to go be a pathetic, whiny, needy mess. I didn’t mean to push any boundaries.”

“I meant what I said.” He spoke quietly. His heart was hammering in his chest; excitement, terror, and more.

“Huh.” It was more a surprised noise than a query.

“I said I’d think about it. And I would still do that.”

“You also said you’d get a pinky promise tattoo so is that still on the cards?” She laughed mischievously.

He could tell it was a deflection and he didn’t care. He’d have her however she chose to be with him, obviously the more of her time he got, the better. He’d get a tattoo for her, no questions asked.

“What if it is?” He teased back.

She laughed, grinning big. “Oh Barnes, you’re _so_ gonna regret saying that.” She tried to hide her amusement in her cup just like he had, but her smile made her eyes twinkle in just the right kind of way that had him staring at her, wishing she’d look at him like that for ever.

“Yeah, yeah, bring it on!”

The tattoos became a reality. They both got the word promise tattooed on the inside of their right pinky finger in the Izzy’s cursive handwriting. Steve became part of the pact too, which made Bucky feel it was a little less special but he approved nonetheless, and it did take some of the tension out of it for him. Having her handwriting tattooed on his skin bound her irrefutable to him. He needed only to glance at it and he got a tingly feeling in his stomach. It was like her mark on him, permanent and heart-felt.

It was a couple of weeks after that when the whole friends with benefits thing came up again.

Izzy was at Stark's with a few of her girlfriends from the office. The tall blonde with a huge rack had been hitting on him at the bar all night and, although Bucky had no qualms bedding someone who pursued him that hard, he didn’t want to mess with any of Izzy’s friends or colleagues. He loved and respected her too much to do that. Despite the blonde being salacious, he had to decline.

Bucky came over to the table to collect empties and to check in with Izzy.

“You good? Need anything?” He asked, leaning over to scoop up a few bellini flutes.

“We’re getting table service from bar manager Barnes?” Izzy was practically flirting with him.

“You came over to see _me_, didn’t you, sugar?” The blonde, Claire, said as she seductively trailed her finger around the rim of her glass.

Bucky laughed short and nervous, his adam’s apple bobbing slightly before his tongue made a quick pass of his upper lip. He felt so damn uncomfortable. A quick glance at Izzy revealed her amusement.

_Well, this is going to get more awkward before it’s over._ He thought with a sigh.

“Would you be a darling and rustle up a couple of my favourite cocktail? No one in the whole of New York makes them like you do, Buck.” She bit her lip purposefully, glancing down to his mouth and back up to his eyes.

He frowned slightly. Very confused.

What the hell kind of game was Izzy playing? This was uncharacteristically flirtatious, forward, predatory, whatever the hell you wanted to call it; this wasn’t normal.

Bucky nodded slowly.

“You better leave me a good tip though.” He winked at the other women, suddenly feeling like it was a game he’d been enlisted to play. He didn’t want to make Izzy look stupid so he decided he’d bite. “You ladies got to appreciate a man with _skills_.”

That got a titter of giggles from them all.

Delivering the cocktails himself had been a bit of a mistake. The ladies insisted Bucky sit with them a little while and Izzy was more than happy to continue tormenting him. She teased her cocktail straw with the tip of her tongue before taking it between her lips for a sip, eyes fluttering closed in pleasure, a little nasal moan escaping before she swallowed.

His palms were getting sweaty just watching her.

“You’re so hot.” One of the ladies said, leaning in to touch his thigh.

Bucky laughed, looking down and shaking his head, embarrassed. Women had told him that before but he’d never sat at a table with the girl of his dreams and had other women try to bed him. This was all too much.

“That’s the cocktails talking.” He deflected.

“Cock-what? Yes, please!” Someone said, earning themselves a round of lewd laughter.

There was no hint of jealousy in Izzy’s face or her body language. It was like a neon sign to him that she didn’t feel anything other than something platonic for him. She was watching him, intrigued and mischievous.

“Just feel how hard that is.” The woman said, inviting the others to touch his leg. “All that perfectly toned muscle.” She sighed.

“What would it take for me to have you in my bed tonight?” Claire was relentless.

Bucky blushed hard, laughing again as his nerves got the better of him. Izzy shouldn’t be okay with this, he was supposed to be her friend and he was uncomfortable as hell in this situation. He wished he hadn’t played along in the first place.

Shaking his head and with a bashful smile he could barely make eye contact with any of them. Blushing hard he protested. “Stop, you’re making me blush.”

That earned him a round of ‘awww, so cute’ from them all. He really couldn’t win.

Izzy’s eyes hadn’t left him and when he stood to leave, making excuses of tending bar and cleaning up, she followed him to the bar.

“Can I get you something?” He was a little short with her but she didn’t notice.

She had seemed only tipsy at the table but now he saw she was pretty damn drunk.

“Remember that conversation?” She said playfully.

“Which one?” They’d had thousands of conversations over their many years of friendship, he probably _could_ remember all of them but he was clueless as to what she was getting at without a pointer or two. “The one about the end of the world? Who we’d have on our team?” That was one from a couple of days ago.

“No.” She was deadly serious now, it gave him chills. “In your room, the night you picked me up from Long Island.”

“Oh.” Suddenly the air was oppressive and his mouth dry. “Um, okay, yeah. What about it?”

“I’ll be wanting your answer now, Barnes.”

He kind of liked this side of her, boldly asking for what she wanted. The way she looked at him then sent a tingle over his scalp and down his spine right to his cock.

This can’t be happening.

“Right now!?”

“Right now.” Her lips curled subtly in a lopsided but flirtatious smile.

“You’ve been drinking and I would hate to take advantage…” Bucky trailed away as Izzy shook her head.

“Who’s taking advantage?” Her laugh was bright and completely _her_. “You did not just see yourself get torn to pieces by that pack of lionesses over there.”

She had a point but still, he wouldn’t feel right about this at all. It had to be sober or nothing.

“What about the rules?” He became aware of a customer waiting. “One sec.” He gave Izzy a placatory look.

Bucky filled the order and came back to her a few minutes later. She’d finished her drink and pushed the glass towards him, slowly, her fingers trailing up the stem through the condensation on the side to the rim where she circled with her index finger. Her tongue slowly traced her upper lip as she stared him down.

_Christ!_ She was trying to seduce him. Not trying. Succeeding. What the hell _was_ this? What had changed?

“Rules, you say?” Even her voice was pitched lower, more sultry. “I can do rules.”

Maybe he should just tell her that she didn’t have to make all this effort, that he was hers already and always would be, for as long as she wanted him.

“I can’t believe I’m even agreeing to this.” He chuckled ironically.

“So it’s a ‘yes’ then?” Was that hope he saw glint in her eye?

Had he said ‘yes’? His answer should be 'no'. Their friendship might get ruined and then he’d be without her in his life at all. But then again what if she grew to love him, was that not worth a risk?

“Conditional approval, pending suitable rules.” He couldn’t help the playful smile that spread across his face. “_And_ sobriety.”

Izzy was smiling too and she looked stunning, stood there with flushed cheeks and twinkling eyes. Maybe drunk was a good look on her, hell every look was good on her.

_I’m so fucked._

“You’re gonna make me wait for it?” She teased but seemed more than a little disappointed.

“Damn right I am.” Bucky flirted. “I’m not the sort to put out on the first date.”

“You totally are!” Her head dipped forward as she laughed, snorting like a pig which made them both laugh harder.

“Alright, alright, so maybe I am.” He chuckled as she came down from her laughing fit. “But _you _shouldn’t.” And he was serious again. “Text me tomorrow when you’re _not_ _drunk_.”

Izzy actually groaned in frustration. What had gotten into her?

“Now, go on! Scoot!” He flapped her away from the bar with both hands.

His face burned but not as much as the fire in his chest. Simultaneously terrified and excited, he could barely focus on his work for the rest of the night. Tony grumbled that Bucky wasn’t giving the customer his full attention, and the old man was right, he wasn’t. He put on a smile when his whole soul was drowning in bewilderment. He didn’t know if he wanted her to forget what she’d asked of him or if he wanted her to take this idea of hers in both hands and never let it go. One thing Bucky knew for sure, he was never going to be able to say no. Not to her. Not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo… I dunno if I'm good at writing these scenes with flirty dialogue. It feels natural enough to me but that's because it came from in my head. If it's terrible please let me know. I'd hate to ruin the whole thing with shit banter/flirting or even shitty smut lol.
> 
> The part where Bucky is saying "stop, you're making me blush" is from a gif I saw and thought the facial expression was too perfect not to put in here. I haven't put any pictures or gifs in any of my works yet, but I might add them later if people call for it.
> 
> I'm hoping you guys who are reading this story are enjoying it. My intention is for it to be a long-haul story with some action and drama in a bit later on. And more porny chapters. Can't forget those.


	6. Belated Prologue Pt. Five - The Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rules and red tape. Bucky and Izzy make the agreement that will redefine their friendship from then on out. Bucky thinks this is singularly the best and the worst idea he's ever agreed to. It's not like there's a chance something will go wrong further down the line, right? Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I toyed with abbreviated text speak for the text messages but it annoys me so much I can't bring myself to put it in there, authenticity be damned. Yes, I'm anally retentive, it IS a big problem, and no, I'm not currently seeking help ;)
> 
> I'm just going to apologise that this chapter is mainly dialogue, and probably not all that good dialogue either, but it sets everything up for Bucky and Izzy's friends with benefits relationship. The next couple of chapters after this are going to be smut central so you have been warned.

****At a little after lunch time the next day, Bucky’s phone buzzed to life.

[Izzy] Morning Buckinator! This is your next morning sobriety text! X

_So much for her forgetting_, he thought ruefully. _I guess I’m really gonna have to consider the options, now. Fuck!_

[Buck] Good morning. You feeling rough? x

[Izzy] I feel like I licked the inside of a trash can. What did you give me to drink? Booty juice? X

[Buck] Hey, you asked for it x

[Izzy] I remember asking for something else too… so how about it? 😉

Euphoria. Fear. Anticipation. Dread. He felt them all and more each time he thought about the predicament that Izzy was putting him in. He made a promise to himself that he’d keep his feelings under wraps, and do whatever he could to keep her in his life. She was offering him something that he never thought he’d ever have but it was only half of what he wanted and it could ruin them if things went badly.

Rules were a good idea, they would help keep things in check and set boundaries. There were only a few things that Bucky really wanted out of this arrangement and that was to safeguard their friendship and for it not to be a drunken booty call thing. Oh, and safe sex.

[Buck] I dunno Iz we got a lot to lose if this goes bad x

[Izzy] It won’t. Pinky promise. XX

She had to go and say fucking ‘pinky promise’.

[Buck] What got you started on this idea?

[Izzy] Honestly? I’m horny and every guy I meet either comes with some amount of bullshit that I just don’t have the time or energy for right now. I need a friend, someone who understands and will share this with me. Guys I meet for 1 night are just there to get themselves off. I want a bit more respect than that. X

[Buck] And your 1st thought was me? xx

[Izzy] Actually no, my first thought was paying for an escort but that doesn’t get you over the awkwardness of sex with a stranger. X

[Buck] I dunno that can be fun :p

[Izzy] Fun but not what I’m looking for. X

[Buck] Fair enough. Why me? xx

[Izzy] Of all of the people I know who would probably sleep with me, you’re the safest option. I can’t ask Steve, he’d die of embarrassment lol. X

Steve would probably drop down dead if Izzy had asked him. As it was, Bucky wasn’t doing much better. His mouth was dry and he was almost shaking with nerves, skin pale and clammy. Panic was growing in his chest and all he could think about was losing her if this all went tits up. He registered somewhere in the back of his mind that Izzy had put him on the list of people who would maybe want to sleep with her. He didn’t know if that said more about her or him, and didn’t know if he should be offended or not. He let it slide.

[Buck] I’m pretty much dying over here too xx

[Izzy] You can say no, Bucky. I’ll not be upset or anything. XXX

[Buck] true story? x

[Izzy] True story. Listen, are you free in an hour? X

[Buck] Yep, I work at 6 though x

[Izzy] Come round to mine, we’ll talk ok? XX

[Buck] Ok doll xx

Jesus what was he doing? This had to be the worst and the best idea of all time. He was torn between protecting what he had and seizing this new opportunity. He might actually get the chance to sleep with Izzy, more than once too, and have it not ruin their friendship

Izzy answered the door in lounge wear; black leggings and a huge white rolling stones t-shirt. There was no big showy seduction going down here which made him feel more at ease. He was usually confident when it came to sleeping with women but this was one of his best and oldest friends. There was a history there that he cherished as much as he cherished her.

“Drink?” She offered, shuffling off to the kitchen in her slippers.

“Soda, coffee, whatever. I’m easy.”

“Well I had heard that about you but I didn’t want to believe the gossip.” She quipped.

“I see my reputation precedes me. I presume that’s why I’m here.” It was half a joke and half serious.

He was curious as to whether Izzy had chosen to ask him because he slept around a little and had no problem with no strings sex. The problem was, with her, there were so many strings it was a tenuously strung web of feelings and memories. No part of this was going to be easy for him, but she had asked, and he would give her anything.

She passed him a chilled can of diet Pepsi before slouching on the sofa. She seemed comfortable with him, even in this awkward situation.

“I wouldn’t say it preceded you but I’m aware of it.” She smirked lightly.

“I _do _come with recommendations.” Bucky raised a sarcastic eyebrow.

She nodded, distracted, distant. The missed opportunity for a ‘your mom’ joke betrayed her nerves.

“Look, you can say no. I understand it’s not ideal. I just need someone reliable who gets me and won’t hurt me. Someone I connect with but who won’t make demands on my time or dictate to me how to live my life. You’re one of the most laid back guys I know and you’ve always looked after me, Bucky. I just need someone I can be with without any drama, you know, without any bullshit.”

Bucky felt like he was watching the scene from somewhere deep in his skull, too far behind his own eyes for him to actually be in control of his own mouth at this point. What she was asking for was virtually everything he wanted but he wanted love too. She was willing to give him almost everything he wanted other than a full-on relationship.

He decided it was as close as he was ever going to get and who knew, maybe the feelings would come for her later, just maybe she could learn to love him like he loved her. Or even part way to that and he’d be ok with it.

“I know I can, Iz, it’s just that I really cherish what we have and if this thing that we’re talking about here doesn’t work, and if it ruins our friendship I don’t know what I’d do. You and Steve, you’re everything to me. I can’t lose you, not for a few tumbles in the sack.” He was being as honest as he could without breaking his promise to himself.

“Then that’ll be one of the rules.” She said, regarding him carefully.

Bucky licked his lips absently as he thought about it. It could work, if they absolutely promised each other that their friendship came first, no matter what.

“Okay.” He said, blowing an unsteady breath out through pursed lips.

“Okay?” She jumped with anticipation.

“Yeah.” Bucky sighed right before Izzy threw herself forward to hug him.

“You’re awesome!” She breathed against his neck.

She felt different, all of a sudden. The giddy thrill of holding her with his feelings kept hidden had been replaced with the deep burn of longing. He had permission to want her now, permission to touch her more than he ever had, but yet he didn’t. They needed to set boundaries.

Pulling away, he stood up, turning his back to her as he collected himself.

“I have requirements.” Bucky said, after a few long moments of silence where they both just existed in the space, contemplating how everything was going to be different for them both after this.

“Okay,” she pulled out her phone. “Rule 1.”

“Protection. The sex always has to be safe.”

“Okay, yeah, good.” She typed quickly. “Rule 2.”

“Respect.” Bucky crossed his arms across his chest and frowned slightly as he searched for the right words. “No drunken booty calls, or making the other person feel shit for saying ‘no’. We respect each other as we always have and respect our other friends too.”

“Okay, got it.” She smiled softly.

“You do one or I’ll feel like I’m dictating.”

“Rule 3. No catching feelings.” She said after a long pause. “If it’s just sex it should be just sex. One person falling for the other will probably end in disaster so no feels and no jealousy.”

That was her first rule, no falling in love with him? Did it matter that he had already fallen for her? She said ‘no _catching_ feelings’ but his were already caught. No matter how he looked at it, it still hurt to hear.

“Ok, in that case rule 4 should be no displays of affection. No kissing, no cuddling, no holding hands romantically, no gifts other than maybe the standard shit we’ve always done at Christmas or birthdays.” He clenched his jaw slightly. This was more difficult than he’d thought it would be. “Rule 4 supports rule 3. If there’s to be no chance of one of us catching feelings then avoiding the little things like that will help.”

“Right.” Her fingers tapped frantically over her phone screen. “Rule 5. We both have to get off. I’m about done with guys and their panda antics.” She said with a frustrated sigh.

“Panda antics?”

“You know. That joke? Why is a man like a panda? Because he eats, shoots and leaves.”

“Ohhhh, that’s witty.” Bucky smothered his smirk. “You know I’d never do that to you, right?”

“Let’s call this _insurance_.”

“What if I want to get you off but not myself?” He couldn’t believe he was even discussing this stuff with her.

“I suppose that’s your call.” She bit her lip thoughtfully. “Okay, so we both have to be willing to make sure we both get off, unless we choose otherwise for ourselves.”

“Okay, deal. Rule 6.” Bucky sat back down beside Izzy, the warmth of her leg against his was both comforting and alluring. “We only do this while we’re both single. And we’re up front about the people we’re seeing.” He wanted to know in advance if there was to be someone else on the scene.

“As soon as we think we might like someone we press pause.” Izzy was concentrating on getting it all down on her phone as Bucky watched her. The way she chewed the inside of her mouth, her minuscule frown. He couldn’t believe he was this close to having her.

“Rule 7?”

“Rule 7.” She mused. “We have to keep it secret.”

“Yeah, Steve would freak the fuck out!”

“Imagine the lectures? Oh god!” She laughed.

“No one is gonna understand this whole thing so yeah, keeping it to ourselves is a good call.” Bucky could do that. The only person either of them would have an issue keeping a secret from was actually Steve. It would be interesting to see if he could tell there was something going on.

“Rule 8. Just sex, no making love.” She sat back against the cushions as she wrote. “No sleepovers in the same bed either. And we should probably avoid using the word ‘love’ at all too.” She tapped her phone against her thigh as she mentally weighed the idea. “If we never say it, even to describe something, then it can never be misconstrued. Rule 3, remember?”

“Sure.” He said in absent agreement. “Define making love.”

“Oh, you know, slow and passionate, with kissing and holding each other. Staring lovingly into each other’s eyes, that sort of thing.”

“Right.” He had a significant downward turn to his excitement now. All these rules put in place just to stop either of them from catching feelings. Knowing when you were breaking rule 8 might be difficult but he supposed that if you left out the kissing and eye contact then some slow sex might get past unnoticed. “Rule 9?”

“No nudes.”

“Seriously?” Disappointment didn’t cut it.

“Seriously!” She chastised. “There’s no way I’m letting naked pictures of myself anywhere near your phone, that any one of your friends might see… Hell no!”

“What if I wanted to send but not receive?”

“You wouldn’t want to receive?”

“Well, yeah I would, but...”

“No nudes, Bucky.”

“Ahh come on, you’re breaking my balls here.”

“What would you want them for anyway?”

“You have to ask.” He laughed.

Izzy just shook her head with a bemused smile. She knew, of course she did. All guys liked to keep something to get them going with their _personal time_.

“Okay then, rule 10?”

The pair of them pondered in silence for a few moments.

“I got nothing.” Bucky shrugged.

“Ooooh!” Izzy twitched. “Rule 10 should be the all-encompassing friendship rule. Our friendship comes first, no matter what.”

How could he have forgotten that one? It was the thing that was most important to him. The first thing he’d said before they even started concocting rules and boundaries.

“That’s the most important thing to me, Izzy, I mean it.”

“Me too.” She smiled and squeezed his hand.

After a long pause, she read through the 10 rules they had drawn up. There were a few things that weren’t covered but they could go on for days creating red tape for themselves.

_Red tape, hmm, I wonder._

“So is there anything you don’t like, or won’t try? Anything that’s a total turn off?” Bucky wanted to get some insight into the territory he'd be traversing.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I guess we just talk about it? Do the respect thing, no forcing each other and no guilt trips if one of us says no.”

“Sounds fair.” Bucky nodded. “And when exactly are you thinking we start this arrangement?”

“Whenever you’re ready.” She said calmly, like this wasn't the most nerve racking thing he'd done since leaving the army.

Bucky just blinked. Was he ready?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading. I always like seeing people enjoy my stuff.
> 
> I notice the Bucky x reader fandom is a tough one to get people to respond to (there's just so much of it out there I guess), but I'm in love with the idea of Bucky in a whole variety of scenarios, with different personality traits from the MCU films, depending on what he's been through, so I'm going to plug away with this and just hope you all enjoy the journey. Peace!


	7. Belated Prologue Pt. Six - The First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is her friend. James is her lover. The separation of these two parts of himself is necessary in order for him to keep his feelings locked away and the sex, just sex.
> 
> It's Bucky and Izzy's first tumble in the sheets, and Bucky has something to prove.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again folks! Yes the smut hath returneth with a vengeance. I'd love, sorry... LIKE to be able to tell you I'm sorry about that and not have to lie my pants off but I can't, so I wont.
> 
> I'm getting pretty close to 500 kudos on all my works, and also 10k hits. I know it's not much compared to some writers out there but I'm over the moon :D Thank you everyone reading my stuff, commenting and leaving kudos, you're all awesome have have my love (the dry platomic kind) x

There had been times in Bucky’s life where he’d imagined Izzy in every sexual position he could think of. Pictured her body in each scenario, imagined kissing her and touching her, feeling her against him and around him, tasting her. It was all within his grasp, save for the kissing, right there in front of him wearing ridiculous Pokémon slippers, leggings and a baggy band t-shirt.

It was a little after 3 o’clock and he had to be at work by 6. He had time to spend with her and now suddenly he knew what he wanted to do with that time.

“You were the one who said you were horny.” He teased. “I’m good to go when you’re ready.”

“Eager, Barnes?”

So what if he was? She had no idea how long he’d waited for her. Even to have her like this was better than he’d hoped for since she dashed his dreams after that damn college party.

“Have you ever known a guy not want sex? Come on.”

“That’s true.” She shifted on the sofa, moving forward to get her fingers under the hem of his t-shirt. “What if I’m ready now?”

_Christ!_ She looked so sexy, even with two Snorlax on her feet and her hair up in a messy tail.

“I’m good with that.” He swallowed hard.

Bucky watched her face as she lifted his shirt up slowly and then over his head. Her eyes roved over his torso, hands stroking just after. Naked from the waist up he felt the thrill of her hands on his skin where she stroked the lines between his abs and up to his chest where she trailed her fingers softly over his tattoo.

“I never knew you had this.” She said, examining it in great detail. “J.B? You?”

“Grandpa Joe.” He said, almost a whisper.

Izzy nodded with a slow blink, she’d always loved his grandpa Joe. “May I?”

She looked in his eyes, asking permission. For what exactly, he didn’t know, but he gave it. He would always give it. This was Izzy and she was everything.

Izzy leaned in, bringing her mouth to his chest where she laid slow and tender kisses across his tattooed pectoral.

“Hey!” Bucky croaked, lifting her chin to stop her. “We agreed, no kissing.”

He wished he could let her continue but to break rules during their first time wouldn’t send a very good message of mutual respect to her at all.

“Was that not just kissing on the mouth?” She said playfully. “What if I wanted to put my lips on other parts of your body?”

She trailed her hand down his stomach to settle over where his jeans stretched tight between his spread legs.

_Jesus, fuck!_ She could put her mouth on him anywhere. Kiss his lips if she wanted, he didn’t care, he just wanted her. _But, rules._

“Okay, no kissing on the mouth.” His voice was thick with tension as she teased her way along the inside of his thigh, fingers moving up and down so very close to where his cock was trapped against the tight denim.

She smiled so impishly that Bucky had to laugh. She pushed him backwards, bringing her mouth to his chest again, kissing downward in hot, slow kisses that contained a little tongue. When she reached his jeans she looked up, asking again for permission.

She didn’t need to ask but he loved that she did. _Shit!_ Correction… He _liked_ that she did.

“Nuh’huh.” Bucky denied her with a winning smile. “You’re the one who needs attention, so let me do my job.”

Izzy didn’t look hurt that he’d stopped her but she did look surprised. Bucky stood, adjusting his hips to lessen the strain of his awkwardly bent cock. He took her by the wrist and lead her to where he knew her bedroom was, kicking off his shoes towards the front door.

“You want to do this or can I?” He asked at the foot of her bed with the hem of her t-shirt gathered in his hands.

“You.” Was all she said and he grinned, eyes searching her face, reading nothing but nerves and anticipation.

She was more beautiful than he could have imagined, revealed to him inches at a time as he slid her shirt up her ribs and off over her raised arms. Her bra was a simple white bra that he’d heard her describe once before as a t-shirt bra.

Hooking his fingers under the straps he slid them off her shoulders. Taking her lead from earlier, he dipped his head and kissed the base of her neck where it met her collar. She shivered so strongly that it made her brace her hands against his shoulders.

Smugly grinning against her skin he kissed his way down her chest, walking her backwards until her legs met the bed. Slowly he went with her, falling to his knees in front of her.

The bra had a front clasp that he released, allowing her breasts to spill out into his waiting hands. Brushing the fabric aside he claimed both breasts and massaged them gently.

“Jesus, Izzy!” He moaned, marvelling at her perfect, plush breasts. “Who knew?”

Izzy laughed all cute and shy but she stroked her hand through his hair. His James Dean hair, as she always called it. He’d had the same cut since he first grew out his army buzz cut. Her fingers felt wonderful; his scalp tingled under her touch.

Bucky lost himself in the feel of her hands in his hair and her breasts under his lips. Her nipples were a deep pink and hard as bullets as he traced his tongue around one, sucking on it gently until she arched her back and sighed heavily. He lavished attention on her right and played the left with his fingers, even venturing to pinch it roughly. Instead of a gasp of pain, a moan escaped the back of her throat as she used her hold on his hair to push his mouth harder against her.

_Fuck! Me!_

His cock twitched, throbbing uncomfortably against the stiff denim. He moaned aloud, her breast against his mouth muffling the sound into a low growl.

“Fucking hell, Bucky!” She gasped as he bit down gently on the erect bud.

“Call me James.” He didn’t know exactly why he’d said it aloud but hearing her call him by the name she’d called him their whole life together just felt like too much. He needed some distance, a level of separation between them to reinforce that this was just sex. Bucky was in the friend zone but James, well, James was her lover and right now that was who he needed to be.

“James!” She sighed as he sucked harder, rolling the other nipple between thumb and finger.

Izzy was a mess of flushed skin and moans by the time Bucky sunk down to sit on his feet and slid his hands down to her hips. Throwing both of her legs over his shoulders he snagged the waistband of her leggings and used his leverage under her knees to lift her ass off the bed and quickly tug them down, underwear and all.

Once she was naked he sat back to look at her.

“Isabella Freeman.” He groaned with an appreciative grin. “Look at you!”

“Don’t.”

She was blushing under his gaze and she looked so perfect. Smooth lightly tanned skin, with the occasional mole; one on her hip, one by her tummy button and one on her ribs just under her right breast. She wasn’t ribby but she was slender with a good curve to her hips. Her thighs touched slightly at the top but with her knees apart she was open, a triangle of soft dark hair on her mons pubis but her labia were smooth, and she was glistening with arousal.

“Can I?” He asked as he knelt closer between her spread legs.

She lifted her head from the comforter and looks at him almost terrified. She shook her head.

“Too nervous? Too soon?” He didn’t want to spook her but he did want to taste her.

“I’ve never…”

His eyebrows shot up as his gaze moved from her gloriously wet mound, up her body to her blushing face.

“Not ever? Well that’s a fucking crime.” Bucky chuckled. “You look amazing, and you smell so goddamn sweet.” He slid his fingers down her clitoris and between her lips, watching as goosebumps broke out over her thighs. “All I wanna do it taste you.”

Probing gently he pushed one finger inside, earning him a delicious sigh. She was so wet just from the little foreplay they’d done that she slicked the rest of his hand once he’d buried the one finger in her completely.

“I’ll let you next time.” She said stifling a gasp on the back of her hand as he added a second finger to his ministrations.

“Pinky promise?”

He hooked his fingers firmly against the front wall of her vagina and began to pull, slowly, giving them a wiggle as he went.

She clenched around him hard and, gasping, she cried out.

“What was that? I didn’t quite catch it.” Bucky had every right to be smug. He was good at this, good with his hands. He would learn her better and then he’d have her coming at the drop of a hat.

“Assss-hollle…” She moaned out stutteringly as he tugged yet more pleasure from her.

Bucky laughed with genuine mirth, smothering his grin against her inner thigh he kissed her there and up as far as she’d let him. Her reflexive twitch told him when to stop.

She was beautiful, lay on her bed with her legs draped over the edge, grinding her hips against his hand as he worked her in a painfully slow tease that had to be wreaking havoc with her body by now. Her thighs were shaking as she tried for more friction. At one point she reached down to touch herself but Bucky drew her hand away, nipping at her fingertips with his teeth.

“You wanna come yet, doll?”

She was holding her breath, really working for an orgasm that he was purposefully withholding, her whole body tense and invested in this one release. He knew it was a dick move but it would feel so much more intense when she finally did. She let go of the air in her lungs all at once as if giving up.

“Yeah.” She sighed so roughly it was almost a sob. “Can you?”

“Sure, doll.” He said with a kiss to her thigh. “I think you’re about ready to pop.”

Her skin was flushed red from her chest up to her face and her body was racked with deep shuddering breaths. He’d ruined her just with his hand, and was about to do more. There was no way she was ever going to forget what Bucky Barnes was capable of.

Bringing his left hand from where to had been pressing her thigh open he brought his fingers to her swollen but neglected clitoris, where he stroked her firmly, applying pressure where it was needed. She was so sensitive she practically bucked off the bed as he circled slowly.

Izzy cried out, clenching down on his fingers so hard he could barely bend them enough to beckon forth the orgasm she wanted, needed and most definitely deserved. But bring her off he did with the slow pull of his fingers inside her and the firm pressure circling her clit.

It was the best sound he’d ever heard, so genuine, so perfect, so her. The gasps and moans that fell from her lips had him ready to come himself, if not for the discomfort he felt in his jeans then maybe he could have.

He worked her gently through it until her body twitched in response to hypersensitivity. She was practically sobbing, tears streaming down her face and she lay there shaking. Her arm was draped over her eyes and she rolled onto her side forcing him to withdraw his hand. She was still spasming inside.

_Yeah, that was a good one._

“Hey.” Bucky laid his hand on her hip. “You ok there?”

She didn’t speak, only gasped for air.

Jesus, he really had ruined her. He felt guilty, for pushing her so close to the edge and holding her there so long.

“Talk to me Izzy.”

“I… I’m…” Her voice was thick and rough as she tried to speak through shuddering breaths. “I’m good.” She said finally.

“If you wanna stop, I don’t mind.” He said and he meant it. Yeah sure they had a rule now that said they both had to get off but he could choose to leave it if he wanted. He could knock one out in the shower or something later, it was no big deal. He already felt like he’d gotten the best gift ever.

“Just gimme a sec.” She moaned.

Bucky laughed, staying where he was, knelt on the floor at the foot of the bed. He didn’t think he could move right then anyway without snapping his cock off.

“That good, huh?”

It was her turn to laugh. A giddy kind of ironic laugh.

“It was alright.” She quipped.

“I suppose you can handle another?” Bucky taunted her. He’d do it too.

“I suppose you think you can deliver?”

“Oh, darlin’ you’ve got no idea.” He popped the button on his jeans and dropped the zipper before standing up. His legs were a little weak from being cramped up for so long but he wasn’t going to show her that.

She watched him undress, lust-filled eyes tracing every line of his body until he dropped his shorts to the floor, freeing his cock.

Bucky knew he was pretty well off in the penis department. Guys always knew if they were below average and Bucky was definitely not. He wasn’t monstrously big but he had good deal going on down there, and no complaints made against him so far.

“Wow!” Izzy’s eye went wide. “You kept that to yourself, didn’t you?”

Bucky blushed, eyeing her coyly.

“You ready for me now?” He teased her, swiping his tongue across his upper lip in a subconscious show of eagerness.

“Yeah.” She sat up. “You got the thing?”

“Oh!”

He scrambled to get his wallet out of his jeans pocket. One condom, that was all he carried, just in case. He tossed it onto the comforter beside her and grabbed her feet, pulling her to the end of the bed with him, making her squeak unexpectedly.

“You’re fucking gorgeous.” This was the first time he’d ever told her that, without it being words of comfort for a broken heart, or a personal crisis.

“Shhh.” She was embarrassed. “No displays of affection.”

Nodding, he drew her to her feet and slid one hand up the inside of her thigh to the wetness that was smeared all over her labia and legs. One quick tease was all he gave before he brought his fingers into his mouth, eyes rolling closed as he tasted her with a moan.

He trailed his fingers over her lips, offering her the mixture of her own flavour and that from his mouth. She opened up and he pushed his index finger over her tongue where she swirled and teased his digit eagerly, maintaining eye contact.

“Unbelievable.” He groaned pulling himself free with a pop from her lips. “You sure you want this?”

One final ask, just to be sure. He wasn’t even sure if they could go back after what they’d already done but once they fucked that would be it, no returning to how things had been, not ever.

“I want this.” She reached down and took him in hand, stroking leisurely, getting a feel for him.

The condom went on in a fumble of fingers and awkward stroking. He let her do it so she could get a better sense of him. When she ran her finger around the tip he twitched so hard she grinned.

“Lie down.” She watched the play of muscles in his chest and stomach as he scooted back on the bed, lying flat with one of her pillows under his head as well as both of his hands. He put himself at her mercy.

Bucky felt like he’d died and gone to heaven as she crawled up the bed seductively, making a show of arching her back and swaying her hips as she went. With her knees on either side of his hips she positioned herself over his cock, letting the tip rest at her entrance. She maintained just enough pressure to keep him there but not sink down on him. There she rocked her hips in tiny motions that added a little extra pressure that sent a thrilling tingle down his cock and into his balls.

He watched her intently, tongue playing slowly on his lips, lost in concentration and the sight and feel of her. She was nothing less than flawless. He always knew she would be. Perfectly smooth thighs straddling him. Soft rounded hips so ready to wreck him like he had done to her. Glorious breasts that fit so perfectly in his hands it was like they were made for him. And her beautiful face, watching his reaction to the slightest thing she did.

A little more pressure and the tip of his cock popped inside, causing her to suck in a hissing breath. Bucky remained still and let her work with what she had. She bounced a little, pushing herself further.

“Fuck, Izzy!” He moaned as she constricted him. Jesus she was tight. “Relax a little.”

“I’m relaxed.” She smiled, rolling her hips a little more confidently.

She clenched down on him sending a sharp stab of incredibly intense pleasure through his whole abdomen, earning her a loud cursing groan in some language she’d never heard him speak before.

“Sorry, what? I didn’t quite catch that.” Smug, she did it again. “This is what not relaxed feels like.”

Now she was fully seated, her thighs spread by his, she slid her hips back, drawing his cock back at an intense angle and with a smooth thrust forward she impaled herself on him again, sighing with pleasure.

With each stroke she brought him closer and closer to the edge. She felt fucking amazing and she knew it. The gasps and moans he made telling her a story of how to play him best, and she read him well.

Speeding up she leaned back, resting her hands on his knees for balance as she ground herself on his cock relentlessly. It wasn’t frantic but it wasn’t slow either, she knew what she wanted from him and by god she was going to get it, and likely ruin him at the same time.

He reached for her, hands cupping her breasts and thumbing her hard nipples. She faltered in her rhythm when he pinched her a little too hard but he felt the spasm of pleasure around his cock. 

_Yeah, she really liked that._

Soon he was close. Too close. And she seemed to be holding back a little. His thumb on her clit fixed that and she gripped him tight as he circled her quick and light. He could feel the intensity rising as she came around him, crying out. Her hips slowed as she lost all of her energy to the orgasm that was coursing through her.

Bucky gripped her hips and used the loss of her control to push and pull her onto him, thrusting up hard he fucked her through her orgasm and into his own. Hips stuttering as pleasure shot him through and he pulsed inside her with a strangled moan.

She was already a boneless puddle collapsed and dozing against his chest, and he wanted nothing more than to hold her against him and cherish her until she came back to herself. But rules.

He wanted to kiss her and tell her she was amazing. But rules.

He stroked his hands down her back as he softened and slipped free of her. Rolling them both over he made sure he got the condom before there was more mess than there needed to be. He felt warm and fuzzy, bathed in an afterglow he could honestly say he’d never felt. Maybe it was something to do with her, maybe it was the two of them together, but this felt different to him.

Izzy looked serene as she lay on her side, curled up. Her eyes were closed and fluttered lightly as she drifted further into a deep sleep. He didn’t have the heart to disturb her. She was fine, breathing normally, just overwhelmed by feeling, or maybe it was the numbness after everything that she had succumbed to.

Bucky watched her for several long minutes before pulling the comforter over her so she wouldn’t wake up freezing. He got dressed in a daze, not quite believing what he’d done. What they’d done. One thing was for sure though, there was no way his lust for her would ever go away. Any hope of that happening went out of the window when she stripped his t-shirt from him and kissed his chest.

A glass of water left on her bedside table and a quick scout around to make sure that he hadn’t left anything behind then he was leaving her apartment, and leaving her behind. With the promise of ‘next time’ he felt jubilant but also scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two don't have a clue how badly they're going to fuck things up in the future... but we do and it's going to be soul destroying ;)
> 
> Past smut in the next chapter, then back to present day drama after that.
> 
> Thanks agains for stopping by, feel free to let me know what you think. Peace :)


	8. Belated Prologue Pt. Seven - Second Audition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark's wine cooler suffers neglect as Bucky bails on work to rush back to Izzy. Visiting her twice in the same day? Their FIRST day? Bucky is in deep, and no amount of emotional hurt is going to stop him from giving her what she needs. Little does he know that she is just as stuck as he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so maybe I lied a little when I said this chapter would be the last of the backstory. This chapter felt uncomfortably large so I split it up. The Bleated Prologue has one more part after this, I promise. Both are smut central, as previously stated, perhaps I should but a note in the summary identifying the porny chapters for those seeking or seeking to avoid them? Sound like a plan?
> 
> At any rate, I hope you guys enjoy another splashdown into my mental gutter. XD

Bucky got back to his apartment with just enough time to shower and get ready for work. All the ride home he thought about Izzy, replaying in his head every look and every sound right down to her soft breathing as she slept. He decided to shoot her a quick text just so she didn’t think he’d bailed on her for a bad reason.

[Buck] Hey, sorry I had to leave for work. You were comatose – cute, by the way. Let me know when you’re up so I know you’re ok after the best sex of your life. I’m gonna assume I passed the first audition? 😉

Bucky didn’t know whether he was overstepping or not but they both had a friendship that was full of mockery and jibes so he figured he was safe. He didn’t know if it was ok to talk about what had happened, they didn’t cover it in the rules so he was just going to feel it out. He wanted to tell her she was wonderful and that he’d not felt like that with anyone else, which was the god’s honest truth. He wanted to tell her she was beautiful and sexy, and that he wanted her in whatever capacity she was willing to give herself to him. He wanted to be with her but couldn’t tell her any of it.

His night at work dragged by, despite being busy. Saturday nights were always packed, even after people started making their way to the night clubs. Stark’s was open until 1am Friday and Saturday but 11pm every other night unless there was a special occasion like a birthday party or late night sports event that was covered on pay-per-view.

Bucky kept checking his phone. He’d sigh, irritated, when he received a text that wasn’t from Izzy. So that was basically all of them up until about 10 past midnight.

His heart jumped when he saw her name flash up on his phone.

[Izzy] Yeah, I’d tell you it was more than alright but I wouldn’t want your head to get any bigger lol.

[Izzy] And no being a creeper! Watching people sleep is for perverts and serial killers.

[Buck] I never said I wasn’t a pervert 😉

Bucky felt relieved. The casual teasing was a sign that everything was just fine between them. He tried to put his mind on the job but found he kept most of his attention on the device in his pocket, the slightest sensation against his leg and he was whipping it out to check if she’d replied.

He was putting together drinks for the last order of the night before he rang the bell for ‘time’ when his phone went crazy in his pocket; a phone call. Hurriedly garnishing the cocktails and presenting the order he rushed the customer away.

He clanged the bell loud enough to wake the dead.

“Time at the bar!”

Then he was checking his phone.

1 Missed Call. 1 Message.

It was Steve.

[Steve] You still coming clubbing after your shift? Me and the boys are in Ikon. Let me know.

He was about to reply to Steve to tell him he’d be there by 2am when another text from Izzy came through.

[Izzy] I think you broke me lol x

[Izzy] I’m not broken enough that I can’t go again though 😉 If you’re free after work? X

Holy shit! So soon? Bucky practically punched the air in jubilation. He replied to Izzy immediately but decided to leave his reply to Steve until he was actually leaving work.

[Buck] Sure thing, doll. I’ll stop by my place for a few things first. Be about an hour x

[Izzy] I’ll be waiting. X

Bucky was already getting that pre-aroused feeling low between his hips. Just the thought of being with her had his head all messed up. He broke 2 glasses as he rushed to clear up and forgot to stock the wine cooler before he left. Tony, who lived above the bar called after him as Bucky almost launched himself out of the side door.

“Does my wine cooler offend you or sum’thin? What am I paying you for here?” Tony grumbled

“I’ll get it in the morning.” Bucky stopped, turning back he gave the man a beseeching look.

“That skirt better be worth it.”

Bucky grinned, shrugging on his jacket. “She is.” He laughed and made a dash for the door.

He drove like crazy to his place, changed his t-shirt, sprayed some deodorant, grabbed a handful of condoms and a pack of gum and left. He drove like crazy the few blocks to Izzy’s place too and she buzzed him in with the kind of haste like she’d been waiting on him.

“Hey!” She said when she opened the door to him. “You got here quick. How was work?”

As soon as she opened the door it was only going to go one way. She’d bathed and was all wrapped up in a fluffy bath robe, her hair was damp still and scrunched up on a messy bun. Her skin looked radiant and the dimmed lights in the lounge were almost certainly purposefully low. When he laid eyes on her he knew there was no way they were going to make it to the bedroom.

She had turned and padded barefoot into the lounge, leaving him to close the door behind himself but when he didn’t reply she turned with a frown.

Bucky was almost certain he looked crazed at that moment. He kicked the door shut with his heel and was on her in a second, herding her backwards against the breakfast bar.

“Everything okay, Bucky?” Her eyes were wide with concern.

“James.” He ground out, tugging the belt of her bath robe until it came loose.

Izzy was quick to catch on, she smirked with satisfaction, and gave him a shit-eating grin when he got the robe open and saw what she was wearing underneath.

He groaned, rolling his eyes up to the heavens in such a show of supplication that she couldn’t contain her smugness.

“Izzy…” He sighed, pushing the rob off her shoulders to fully expose the black and red lace lingerie set she wore. The balconette bra pushed her breasts out perfectly, the lace sheer enough he could see her nipples. The panties were a thong and also sheer. Sheer enough for him to see that she’d shaved _everything_.

“Call me Bella.” She took a cue from him, asking to be called by something other than what they normally called each other.

It suited her, especially seeing her like this, all sultry and dressed to seduce. Bucky wasted no time cupping her breasts and squeezing them firmly. He stepped closer, forcing her to arch backward over the counter, pushing her hips forward against his.

“Fuck, Bella…” Bucky moaned into the valley between her breasts, squeezing them around his face, massaging them while he circled her nipples through the lace with his thumbs.

Trailing his tongue up the clean skin of her chest, he latched his mouth on the delicate spot above her clavicle and sucked.

Izzy recoiled, pushing him away with a nervous giggle.

Bucky searched her face for a brief moment before lowering his head and teasing the same spot with his tongue. Izzy obviously didn’t want to be marked. Bucky didn’t mind if she claimed him, but he’d never be able to tell anyone it was her mark on his neck.

“No hickeys. Check.” He mused as he shifted his attention to her legs, hooking his hands under her thighs and lifting her until her legs were wrapped around his hips.

His moment of looking at her in awe and exploring the new imagery of her lingerie, was over. The breakfast bar was too high but the stools were not. He deposited her roughly on the black varnished wood seat and shrugged his leather jacket off.

Izzy helped him, by unbuckling his belt as he dropped the jacket on the floor. Soon she was reaching into the open front of his jeans and taking his cock in her hand. He had been hard by the time she’d opened the door to him, anticipation built up until all he could think about was how she felt when he was buried in her to his balls.

“You’ve got such a pretty cock, but you know that already don’t you, James?”

He nodded and bit his lip, watching her stroke him. The intense pleasure combined with the slight thrill of seeing himself in her hand as she teased him with her thumb, spreading his pre-come around the tip and under to where his frenulum was pulled tight, was intoxicating.

Bucky pushed his jeans and shorts down to his knees, pulling the condoms out of his pocket as he did so. He dropped them on the counter, save for two; one of which he tucked into the cup of her bra, the other he rolled onto himself with practiced ease.

“You walking alright after this afternoon?” He asked, breathy from her teasing.

She smirked. “Pretty much.” Her light but bashful chuckle told him otherwise.

“Well, you won’t be after this.”

He pulled her thong aside and buried two fingers in her straight away, earning him a startled gasp. She gripped his shoulders hard and her legs twitched where they were loosely wrapped around his hips. He curled his fingers ruthlessly, repeating the stroking motion against the softness of her g-spot while he worked her clit with his thumb.

Earlier today had been an exercise in control, a chance for him to show her that he could draw out her pleasure indefinitely, make her feel amazing for more than just a few moments. Now, with her clinging to him as he relentlessly broke her down, he was here to show her his masculinity, and how much he wanted her.

Bucky worked her with his hand until the very second he felt her start to come. He pulled his hand free and grabbed her hips, burying his cock in her all the way and stilled, fingers now only working her clit as she cried out and came around his sold shaft that stretched her almost painfully.

“Ohhhh, God!” She cried out, scrabbling to pull him closer, clutching the front of his t-shirt in a death grip.

She felt exquisite, spasming and pulsing around him. Her gasps were half laughs through the disbelieving grin she wore.

Bucky began to move, long slow strokes, pulling out almost to the tip and sliding home with a powerful but controlled thrust. Gradually increasing the speed and forcefulness, he held onto the backrest of the stool with both hands and used it as leverage to fuck her harder and faster. She was already reaching the edge of another orgasm, losing the strength in her legs so they slipped down off his hips.

He tucked his forearms under her knees and gripped the chair again. She was so exposed now and he could see himself spreading her open, each thrust tugging against her labia, the pink flesh becoming more and more flushed as he ravaged her.

“Shit! Bu-.” She choked on his name.

Whether she realised and stopped herself, or whether she just couldn’t get the words out it didn’t matter. All that mattered was the tight pleasure of her clenching around him and the ragged gasping breaths that tore from her throat as she came again, hard enough for tears.

Bucky slowed as she came, pushing her gently through the pleasure, giving her just enough to keep it alive so it wouldn’t just be an intense blinding flash of ecstasy. He’d almost came then too. The sight of her coming undone, seeing himself sliding in and out of her, his sheathed cock glistening with her arousal.

_Sweet Jesus!_

With his arms still hooked under her knees he picked her up and walked her to the sofa where he lowered himself to the cushions, still buried inside her.

Izzy looked at him then, like he might be a little crazy.

“Who are you and where have you been all my _finding Mr Wrong_ life?” She laughed, giddy and flushed from her release. She had no way of knowing that her words had cut him deep.

His eyes watered to the point he had to close them. It hurt. He was insanely happy but it hurt like a shotgun blast to the chest, he should know, he’d had one. A Kevlar vest was the only thing between him and death. The pain was unreal, and right now he’d take that again if it would only replace this new pain, this fresh hell.

How could he tell her he’d always been here? That he’d been waiting for her. Always waiting for her. He’d promised himself he’d never burden her with his feelings, and now they had rules. He was bound twice by his word to keep all of this inside.

“Ride me.” He gasped as the pain began to sap his arousal. “Use me. Fuck me. I want you to ruin me.” He practically begged her.

And she did, pulling him down by his hair, she smothered him in her cleavage as she began to grind herself on him. She made him forget her words and forget the tears he’d almost spilled. She made him forget he was Bucky Barnes, the man who had loved her since he was just a boy, the man who left his life behind to join the army because he couldn’t bear to be without her, the man who would live every day of his life by her side only in friendship if that was what she needed.

In those moments, there with her taking her pleasure from him, he was only James. An abstract concept of a man, a fantasy, all bravado and cocksurety. He lived each moment to enjoy it and the pleasure they shared. This was the distance he needed, to almost be someone else with her like this.

She moaned loudly, throwing her head back as she began to peak. He was swollen and riding the line between pleasure and pain where he’d kept himself until she was ready to come. There on the cusp he waited, needing only the tiniest of pushes, a feather stroke of something different to pull his focus away from control and fully into the path of the freight train that was threatening to plough through him.

“James!” Her sigh was like a chorus of angels. She was so close, he could see her working for it, struggling to find her release.

With shaking fingers he reached and lightly pinched one of her nipples through the lace of her bra, then harder, twisting it in his grip.

Falling forward with a gasp that morphed into a low guttural moan, she climaxed. Her last act before she began to slow was to return the favour. She pinched his nipple hard and tugged on it until he twitched deep inside her and spilled with a cry that was part pain and part pleasure.

Bucky’s thrusts fell away and they both sat panting, sweaty and dumbstruck, his hands idle by his sides. He couldn’t touch her. He was too raw emotionally, right then.

“Christ! I need to pee.” She laughed and tried to stand, legs wobbling as she climbed off him and staggered away.

Externally he laughed, she was adorable and funny, but inside he was numb. He thought he could do this, the no-strings sex thing. Not with her, he realised too late.

Bucky pulled off the condom and tied it off, dropping it on the coffee table.

“Drink?” Izzy walked past the sofa and went to the kitchen.

“Just water, is fine. Thanks.”

“You gonna tell me about work now?” Her question seemed too domestic now, too weird.

“Not with you dressed like that.” He snorted a breath out nasally.

“Right, right, sorry!” She grabbed the robe and covered herself.

Bucky was shifting his hips on the sofa, already pulling up his jeans and tucking himself away.

“I think it’s best to keep friendzone conversations separate from the sex stuff.”

Izzy looked at him sat there frowning at her and she must’ve known what it was that had gotten under his skin. Her face grew worried as she passed him the glass of water.

He downed it.

“Look, I’m sorry if what I said crossed the line. I guess I didn’t realise how it sounded when it came out.” She looked sad and the last thing he wanted to do was make her feel guilty.

“Yeah, we can’t get caught up in that happily ever after stuff if you want to keep to the rules.” Bucky ran his hands through his hair. He did that when he was tired, nervous, stressed, self-conscious, among other things.

“Scared you’ll break Rule 3?” She teased.

_Goddamnit!_ Why was she torturing him?

“Are you?” His voice was as flat as he could make it, and he stood up to create some space between them. “It’s a rule for a reason, is it not?”

She’d set that rule. He already had feelings and for her to fall for him was his ideal situation. But she obviously didn’t want it that way. She just wanted him for the sex.

“Sorry.” She looked tired all of a sudden. “I’ll do better next time. If you want there to be a next time?”

What was he supposed to say? Yes, he wanted there to be a next time. He wanted to be her every time.

“Yeah, okay.” Bucky sighed heavily.

“Thanks, Buck.” She smiled, almost relieved.

She was his kryptonite. His main vice. But also the thing that kept him ticking. It was wrong to say she was his raison d’etre but she was pretty close. Promises and rules, that’s what kept this thing together, like a fucking band aid to hold together a fractured but priceless Ming dynasty vase. If it had to be, it had to be. It wasn’t like he wasn’t getting almost everything he’d ever wanted for his whole adult life so far.

“Bucky?”

“I need a fucking smoke.” He scooped up his jacket and pulled it on. “I’ll be back. Don’t fall asleep, and don’t get changed.” He gave her a crooked smile and a wink.

“Ohhh! _God dayum!”_ She blushed hard. “Okay.”


	9. Belated prologue Pt. Eight - Satisfaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Round two of their second tumble in the sack and Bucky's resolve swings like a weather vane in a storm. When the sex is amazing but you're terrified you'll lose it all, what's a guy to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the false alarm with this new chapter - I went ahead and made a schoolgirl error in posting a chapter of another fic in this one. Luckily I had this next one edited and ready to go *phew*.
> 
> This is the last of the Bucky/Izzy historic smut (for now). I hope you enjoy ;)

The still air was cool and refreshing against the damp skin at his nape, and the smoke from the cigarette warmed his lungs in perfect contrast. The sun had already started to lighten the sky to the east, turning black into Prussian blue.

There was no traffic, no people, no signs of life other than the early chorus of birds anticipating the oncoming day. It was peaceful there, outside her apartment building with his foot jammed in the door to keep it open. He imagined briefly that he was the only person left on earth, like maybe they’d all been snatched away to the rapture or something, or that he’d been transported into a parallel dimension where he was the only inhabitant. The world certainly felt that empty.

He drew another lungful of smoke deep, feeling the light spread of warmth and rush of chemicals in his blood. Smoking was something he’d picked up in the army but now he smoked as little as he could; just a few a day, and during stressful situations or if he was drinking.

It was safe to say that he was stressed. The whole sex thing with Izzy had him walking a high-wire of jubilant completion versus the stress of failure and loss. If this thing between them collapsed, no promises of ‘friendship first’ would save them.

_You can’t think like that. You’d do anything to keep your friendship alive._

So would she.

_Would she though?_

Of course she would.

Pulling one last draw from his cigarette, he pitched the butt into the gutter. He held the smoke in for a few seconds before blowing it out into the night and heading back inside.

Thankful for the gum, Bucky packed a few of the minty pieces into his mouth and waited for the elevator. He wondered if Izzy had fallen asleep yet. He honestly wouldn’t mind if she had. Bucky had already shared more intimate moments with her than he ever thought he would. Not more than he hoped, because he’d lived with these feelings for years, but he never thought he’d be able to have this, or anything close.

Knocking on her door lightly before turning the handle, his heart quickened in his chest. Nervous again and feeling a little on edge, he stepped in to see in her fluffy robe behind the counter in the kitchenette, making a sandwich.

“You hungry?” She asked, looking up and doing a double-take.

Something about him or the way he was looking at her made her stop.

Bucky could see a small piece of the black lace he knew she wore and his mind was right back to the moment she’d uncovered herself for him.

He was hungry alright.

“Not for sandwiches.” He strode to her, taking the butter knife from her hand and leading her towards the bedroom.

There was something else he’d had a taste of that he wanted. ‘Next time’, she had promised him. Well, this _was_ next time. Bucky descended into that mental space where he’d found his alter ego, James. James was the kind of man who took what he wanted and, although Bucky knew he couldn’t completely be that man, he filled as much of that role as he could. That separation from himself that was just enough to make this ok.

“Bucky, is it not too soon? Are you-?”

“James.” He corrected her with a raised eyebrow, chastising. By way of an answer he took the hand he still held in his grip and stroked it across the front of his jeans.

Her eyes widened in surprise. “That quick?” She was both shocked and pleased.

“That quick.” He was almost smug about it. “Ditch the robe.” He instructed firmly.

As soon as she was stood in front of him, in that lingerie, all he wanted to do was strip her. Bucky’s dreams of savouring each and every touch were overridden by James’ animal desire to have her naked and at his mercy.

Bucky freed himself of all his clothes and stood before her, hard and eager. He fingered the thin strap of her thong, tugging it out only to let it snap back viciously against her hip. She seemed to enjoy the sting so he did it again, causing her to bite down on her lip in a stifled but nonetheless audible moan.

“Bra off.” He said, sliding his fingers into the cup to retrieve the blue packet he stashed there earlier.

She obeyed, watching his face as he watched her free her breasts, sliding the straps down and dropping the garment at her feet. Her breasts were perfect. Firm yet soft, ample but not too large, perky nipples inviting the kind of teasing she seemed to enjoy so much.

Bucky shoved her back onto the bed where she made a surprised squeak and flailed until she bounced on the mattress. He tugged her thong down and dropped it to the floor with her bra. He hovered over her, dragging his hands down her body, giving those soft pink nipples just enough attention to make them erect before kneeling on the floor at the foot of the bed.

She resisted when he began to part her knees.

“Relax.” He half whispered to her as he stroked the tops of her thighs.

“I should shower.” She didn’t look at him, or couldn’t.

“I know you’re nervous.” He said, and there was no shame in that. She’d never had anyone go down on her before, she was bound to be unsure. “But there’s no need.”

Her hands went to her face as she blushed. It was really quite lovely how this woman he’d known almost all of his life could show him a vulnerability other than any he’d seen from her before.

“Just let me start okay?” He slid his fingers between her clenched knees. “Count to thirty and if you don’t want me to carry on then I’ll stop, okay?”

All Bucky wanted was the chance to show her how things could be if she was with him, how he’d make her feel amazing.

“Do we need a safe word?” She said, still hiding behind her hands.

“I dunno, do we?” Bucky teased her, chuckling. The prospect that maybe they would need one in the future gave him a little jolt of excitement. “You can always just tap out.” He tapped the top if her thigh three times.

“Okay.” She heaved a deep sign, exhaling slowly to compose herself.

Bucky slid his hands between her slightly more relaxed thighs, separating them gently. He shuffled forwards into the space he created as he hooked her right leg over his left shoulder and flattened his left palm against the soft plane of her stomach, just above her pubic bone.

“Focus on the feeling.” He placed kisses up the inside of her thigh, closer and closer to where he wanted to bury his tongue. “Stay out of your head, okay? I’ll be good to you, I promise.”

He winked at her and she laughed. A nervous but light giggle. It was short-lived. 

Bucky braced his hand on the inside of her left thigh, to keep her from clamping down on his head, as he delicately drew his tongue up over her smooth labia, tasting the sweet yet salty fluid that had already started to collect there. The subtle musky scent of her added to the experience, and the sharp tang of rubber from the condom earlier went unnoticed after the first few passes of his tongue.

They moaned together, him losing himself in the sweet heat and subtle spasm of her core, and her trapped in the pleasure he was supplying with nothing but his tongue.

Mentally he counted to 30, half expecting her to be overcome with embarrassment and tap out early but she didn’t. At around the 25 second mark he kissed her clit, sucking gently and circling his tongue loosely, catching the sensitive bud there a few times. She gasped and thrust her hand into his hair, gripping tight she bore down on her own emptiness.

40 seconds and she hadn’t stopped him. Grinning, he continued until she was practically grinding against his mouth, all wet and needy. Her smooth and hairless cunt pulsed in appreciation of his attention.

Christ, she was sexy as hell. How could he ever go back to just being friends after this. He wanted her so badly, needed her almost as bad as he needed air to breathe.

She came apart, crying out some incoherent prayer in a gasping moan that sent a spasm right down to his cock.

“Ohmygod!” Her words ran together in a slur as she came back to herself. “I never thought…” She giggled.

Smug, Bucky leant down one last time to suck a kiss against her swollen clitoris, earning himself a secondary cry as she bucked to get away.

“I know you don’t have anything to compare it to but I hope that wasn’t too bad.” He was being falsely humble. He knew he’d renewed her faith in men giving her oral.

She laughed, spluttering into a cough.

“Slight understatement.” She choked out when she stopped coughing. “I’m not all that good at sucking a dick but I’ll do my best.”

As Izzy repositioned herself so she could sit on the bed and have his cock at face-level if he stood, Bucky reached to stop her.

“Next time.” There was a promise there. “This time was for you, to make up for no one ever taking care of business for you.”

“Right.” She blushed. “That’s awfully generous of you.”

Bucky knew she intended no sarcasm there, but her tone… was she annoyed?

“Giving the poor neglected damsel all of the pleasure and taking none for yourself?” She flirted. “Selfless.” She mothed the last word almost silently as she smirked.

“I wouldn’t say I got nothing out of it.” Bucky stood up, confidently, lifting her hand to his throbbing cock.

He was solid and unyielding in her hand, skin stretched taught, a deep blush shading the weeping tip.

He sighed heavily as she stroked him gently. Too gently. He wanted friction, needed to feel her tight around him.

She licked her lips and leant forward, pressing a delicate kiss to his swollen head.

_She kissed the tip!_

He chewed his lower lip, a dilemma churning behind his adoring eyes. Let her continue? Or keep to his promise of ‘next time’?

Izzy parted her lips, kissing him less chastely, if laying her lips on his cock could be classed as chaste in the first place. A gentle lick of her hot tongue and his eyes fluttered closed. Her tongue trailed lazily around the ridge, slowly teasing him until pre-come beaded at his slit and she dipped the tip of her tongue into the opening to taste him.

She moaned, opening up and letting him slide over her tongue and into her mouth where she sealed her mouth and sucked him deeper. Her lips stretched around him and she drew pleasure from him in a torturously slow tease.

“Jesus, Bella…” Her requested title gave her more power over him, he thought. There was something supernatural about them together, like this. Something in the way her big green eyes met his that had his balls tightening.

She played her tongue over his most sensitive areas, using her hand now to stroke where the absence of her lips left him neglected. He ran his fingers into her hair as he watched her, so sexy and confident.

Then she did something different. He didn’t know what exactly but it had him seeing stars.

_Nope! Not gonna last long like this._

“Ahhhh… ‘m gonna have to stop you there or this’ll be over too soon to be good for you.” Bucky wasn’t embarrassed, it was merely a fact. She should know what she did to him, not many women had affected him like her, no other women, in fact.

Gently he extracted himself from her mouth and then her grip. The cool air in contrast to her warm mouth was enough to cause an ache.

“It’s already been good for me.” She wiped the corners of her mouth with the delicate swipe of her index finger. Even that was sexy for fuck sake. “Great, I mean.”

“I can’t have you thinking that I’ve got no staying power, not so soon into this thing. It’s a matter of male pride.” He explained with a teasing tone. It was unnerving how easy it was to talk to her like this, as if their friendship had already grown to adapt to this new addition.

Bucky thought then that this would be what a relationship with her would be like; open and trusting, completely honest and full of respect for one another, while still being playful and full of fun.

“What about how it makes me feel, knowing that I can affect you like that?” She flirted.

_You do! Jesus Christ knows you do! If you could only see into my head you’d know exactly how you make me feel, because god knows the words can’t come out of my mouth. Promises I made to you and to myself, they’re like chains I chose for myself just to keep you with me. If only…_

Bucky knew she was teasing him, playing a role in this thing they were doing together, just as he was playing the role of James, she was Bella, her own alter ego so to speak.

“Trust me, I’m already weak at the knees.” He gave her his most charming smile as she got up to use the bathroom.

Bucky had started to go soft by the time he reached for the condom.

“Can I help you with that?” She had this cheeky smirk that made him want to fill her mouth with his cock just to wipe it off face.

He ran his hand into her hair, smoothing it back from her face as he silently guided her forward. She eagerly took him in hand and licked a long broad line all the way up the underside of his waning erection, swirling her tongue around the tip before flickering it firmly over him creating an intense sensation that had the blood rushing back with an almost painful speed.

Bucky allowed her to continue for a few more moments. “I think you might have told me some fibs.” He drew her off him and tore open the blue packet.

“Oh?” She stood, turned and knelt on the edge of the bed, telling him what she wanted from him with her actions alone. “What did I lie about?”

“You said you weren’t good at giving head.” He rolled the condom down and smoothed out the kinks before stepping up behind her and stroking his hands across her perfectly presented ass cheeks.

“I’m not.” Izzy looked at him over her shoulder. “Maybe you’re just easily pleased.”

The tip of his sheathed cock rested at her entrance as he pondered her statement. That wasn’t it at all. He could come quickly if he needed to but no one had ever driven him to the edge when he’d been trying to hold back.

“We’ll see.” Was all he said before he thrust forward firmly with an even pace.

She was tight in a different way like this, bent over with her hips and ass up in the air. The angle of her passage was different and it felt amazing in its otherness, pulling on his cock, bending it down slightly. 

Soon Izzy was clenching down on him, making him feel like he was pushing through treacle, the force of her muscles against him created such intense pressure that he felt his orgasm building far sooner than he wanted.

She gasped as he thrust faster, disrupting the steady grip and relax of her walls as he brushed against her pleasure centre. His hands firm on her hips, pulling her pack against him harder and faster. The slap of his hips against her ass and the backs of her thighs was verging on obscene.

Bucky wasn’t going to last like this either, but luckily neither was she. With on hand gripping her shoulder and the other splayed on her spine between her hips, he fucked her ruthlessly. The louder she cried out the harder he pounded her until she uttered a low moan that sounded almost animal in nature. She pulsed and spasmed around him as he threw one final thrust into her, feeling the burst of bright ecstasy behind his eyes and in his cock as he came brutally hard.

Their joint grunts and moans subsided as they slowed, riding the last dregs of pleasure, feeling it seep away leaving lethargy and heavy limbs behind.

Izzy collapsed forward with her arms tucked under her and her ass still arched up, she just lay there panting. Bucky had to admit that was a sight he would never forget. Her core looked red and swollen and still twitched from the occasional aftershock of her orgasm, he’d fucked her good and proper.

He grinned, elated.

The silence was a little awkward as he picked up his things and disappeared into the bathroom to clean up. The buzz of his post sex glow tingled all over his body. He’d had great sex before and was pretty competent when it came to finding his way around a woman’s body but sex with Izzy was mind blowing. There was an extra level of connection there, his feelings towards her definitely contributing. He had no idea how he was going to keep the sex and love separate. It wasn’t her problem though, he’d promised himself never to burden her with his baggage, never to tell her how he felt and ruin everything.

Bucky and Izzy fell back into their friendzone interactions easily enough once they were both dressed. It felt comfortable now, the level of detachment clearly working for Her.

_I can do this._ He told himself. _Be with her like this. I can do anything for her._

It wasn’t difficult for Bucky and Izzy to continue their friendship as it had been and also maintain their dirty secret. After the first few sex-filled weeks they found a routine where a few times a month they’d arrange something more clandestine than the usual nights out or dinner dates with Steve and their mutual group of friends. They were careful and no one was any the wiser.

Izzy was the first to pick up a boyfriend and so she and Bucky stopped their friends with benefits arrangement. It only lasted a few weeks before Izzy was calling it off, stating that the new guy just didn’t ‘do it’ for her. Bucky couldn’t lie to himself, he was jealous of the new guy but kept it to himself. He was secretly very pleased to hear that the now ‘ex new guy’ hadn’t survived the 2 month mark. There were others but Izzy’s longest relationship since she’d first slept with Bucky was only 3 months.

Bucky tried seeing other women but he found that non of them compared to Izzy. He mainly used the opportunity to make sure she didn’t think he was catching feelings, and also to take a step back when he was feeling overwhelmed with his unrequited love for her. His longest relationship was 9 weeks.

Bucky knew how fucked up it all was, the hollow relationships and leading women on when he couldn’t love them, but it was working for him, working for Izzy. He worried that if she thought he was falling for her that it would scare her off, so for over three years they maintained their status quo and he hid his feelings as he had done all of his teen and adult life.

Nothing ever stays the same, however. It’s the very nature of the universe to drive change. Entropy – chaos from order. It was only a matter of time before things came crashing down around him.


	10. Born on the 4th of July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Present day. It's Steve's birthday and Izzy is feeling nervous about seeing Bucky again after he broke rule 8 over a month ago.
> 
> The party goes great until a drunken appology turns to tears and Izzy finds herself far worse off than she started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is directly after chapter one in the time line of their story. Back to present day with Izzy.
> 
> Handsy Bucky makes an appearance but it's nothing too bad. The poor bloke is struggling so bad with the situation with Izzy that his drunk self gets desperate.

Izzy sat in her office, skimming through documents and notes on a tedious case that she’d been handed involving one of the firm’s major clients. It needed sweeping under the rug and apparently it was her turn to wield the broom. When she made partner she would be able to pass these very irksome cases on to the juniors just as had happened to her.

The case was in negotiations at the moment and there was a chance she could get the plaintiff to settle but she’d need to use the leverage dug up by her intern to do so. Corporate clients, famous ones at that, really were the worst with their ‘can do no wrong’ demeanours and their misplaced superiority. Izzy hated that she was helping ‘_the man’_ stick it to the little guy and not the other way around. But when she got where she was going she could choose her clients more carefully.

She sighed. Today was Friday. It was Steve’s birthday and there was a party planned at Stark’s. She wanted to go. She needed to go. But at the same time she was shitting a brick about seeing Bucky again.

It had been almost a month since she’d seen him. She had been avoiding his calls and barely replying to his texts since he broke rule 8 when they last slept together, she’d been struggling to keep her feelings for him separate from the sex. Yes, it had been her idea to start this ‘friends with benefits thing’ and, yes again, it was her idea to make the rule about not catching feelings, but she’d done that for him. Or rather so she could have him.

Bucky had always been the kind of guy who shied away from romantic commitment. Ever since they were teenagers, all of his relationships had lasted no longer than a few months. He’d either gotten bored or gotten annoyed by girls their age and dumped them unceremoniously. Izzy couldn’t risk ruining their friendship if he was just going to get bored of her after a few months and break up, hence why she’d never asked him out.

There had been one time when he’d asked her. Drunk and needy at a college party he’d said the words and she’d told him to ask her later. If it was still a good idea to him when he was sober, then she’d have considered it but he never asked the second time.

She sighed again. It wasn’t lost on her that she was playing around dangerously with rule 10; the friendship comes first, no matter what. But seeing him would remind her of the beautiful thing that she could never have with him. He’d teased her with it last month, making love to her in the shower, eyes locked and boring into her soul. She’d almost kissed him. Oh, boy! did she still want to.

The memory of his smouldering eyes, reddened lips and his breathy exaltation as they clung to each other had heat pooling low in her abdomen.

_Get a grip on yourself woman!_ She ridiculed herself. _You’re at work, bogged down in files outlining how some sleezy CEO sexually assaulted his assistant and your mind is wandering to lust-filled thoughts of the one man you can never have. Ever!_

“Uuugh!”

Notes made and amendments finalised, Izzy packed up for the evening. She was leaving a little late but still had time to go home and get changed ready for Steve’s party. He was turning 29 today. Only Steve Rogers could be born on the 4th of July.

After a quick shower and styling her hair in a lightly curled half-up/half-down do she applied nude make-up, nothing too glamourous. Smoky grey eyeshadow, lined and smudged subtly, and a pearlescent nude lip tint. Her dress was a peacock blue, sleeveless skater dress with a slash neck. The material had a pleated effect, chiffon layered over the lining and twisting down subtly from the shoulders which were accented with delicate silvery embroidery.

Izzy looked good and she knew she did. Her lightly tanned legs were on display, shaped to perfection by the high crushed silver leather stilettos she wore; Jimmy Choo’s were her favourite and she also had a matching clutch.

Stark’s was jumping. Friday nights were usually busy but tonight there was a private party; Bucky had reserved the whole rear end of the bar for Steve’s birthday. The party would continue late into the night but the public would be gone at 1am.

Pushing through the throngs of people lining the bar, Izzy made eye contact with Natasha, one of her friends from college who had subsequently become Steve’s friend over the years, and also Bucky’s.

Nat took her hand and pulled her through the last of the tightly packed public and into the one night only VIP section.

“I was starting to think you’d bailed last minute.” She passed Izzy a glass of champagne. “So… you look nice.” Nat’s smile was one of approval.

“Thanks! So do you.” Izzy ran her finger tips over the lapels of Nat’s charcoal pinstriped jumpsuit. “If looks could kill…”

“I’d be an assassin.” She finished with a chuckle. “I was born to slay, baby!”

_That you were_, Izzy thought.

“Where’s Steve? I have a gift for him.”

“With the boys, in the corner.” Nat downed her Champagne and reached for another from the complimentary drinks table.

Scanning the guests Izzy found Steve right where Nat said she would. He was sat at table with high stools, his back was turned but she couldn’t mistake his broad shoulders and blond short-back-and -sides.

As she made her way towards him, her attention was drawn to the other side of the group. Previously obscured by a pair of women she’d never met, Bucky sat on a stool, eyes bright, laughing at some joke Steve had made. His James Dean hair was mused on top, slightly wavy and looking plush and gorgeous. Dark stubble adorned his strong jaw and he looked like all of her wet dreams come true. Black Chelsea dress boots, black slim fit jeans, a black Louis Vuitton shirt and a black leather jacket solidified this moment as the hottest Bucky Barnes had ever looked with clothes on.

He met her gaze. His laugh faded gradually, leaving him with a warm smile. He blinked slowly, letting her know he was happy she’d come. Nervously he licked his lips as his attention was forced back to the guys around the table.

She was frozen on the spot, unable to move, unable to blink, unable to do anything other than force her lungs to work. Breath in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Don’t pass out.

Bucky flicked a glance back to her again, seeing she hadn’t moved, he touched Steve on the arm and nodded in her direction.

Steve turned and beamed a massive smile. Jumping down from his stool he went to her and gave her a huge hug.

“Thanks for coming!” He spoke into her ear. “I wasn’t sure you’d make it what with you running late and all.”

“Of course I was gonna make it.” She fussed. “Work is never important enough for me to miss my best friend’s birthday.”

Izzy pressed a kiss into his cheek and passed him a small gift-wrapped box. Steve tore into it immediately, revealing velvet ring box that contained a pristine 1916 Mercury Dime.

Steve hugged her fiercely, mumbling ‘thank yous’ into her hair.

“Happy Birthday old man!” She laughed at his exuberance.

Dragging her over to the table, Steve showed everyone his gift. His numismatist nerdgasm drew groans from everyone.

“Hey,” Bucky was at her side, his hand on the small of her back. “Take my seat.” He said, guiding her to his stool and helping her up while everyone was distracted by Steve’s antics.

“Thanks.” Izzy blushed lightly.

“You look wonderful, by the way.” He worked her over with his gaze until she felt heat rising under her skin.

“Thanks.” Izzy swallowed hard. “You look great yourself.”

His chuckle was more bashful than she would have expected from a guy with his confidence, who knew he was every woman’s wet dream.

“I was getting worried that you’d been abducted by aliens or had eloped and got married to the guy from the coffeeshop near your office.”

“Well he is kinda hot.” She teased.

He smirked at her, eyebrow raised sarcastically.

“Listen, can we talk later?” He leaned closer, his spicy cologne was tantalising. “I know I fucked up, and-”

“What did you fuck up?” Nat was there, hovering between them, poised in perfect eavesdropping position.

“I fucked up Steve’s surprise.” Bucky recovered quickly. Ever adaptable, ever ready to react. “Izzy and I discussed it months ago, and I forgot.”

“What can I say? Next time I’ll just make the arrangements myself.” Izzy added a little too bitterly.

“Men! Am I right?” Nat scoffed in a disapproving tone.

“I’m an idiot.” Bucky admitted. “I won’t let you down again, I promise.” His eyes never left Izzy’s. Thankfully, Nat was too busy eyeing up Steve’s colleague, Bruce, to notice.

The party went well and Izzy had so much fun. It was the most free she’d felt in weeks. It felt good to be with her friends again, to see Bucky and for things to be mostly normal. She didn’t know why she’d been dreading this so much.

Seeing him had been a shock to her system. The way he looked tonight was a big slap in the face, a neon sign advertising everything she was missing out on. It was something she had, in part, but was something that would never fully belong to her. Izzy offered thanks to the universe that Bucky hadn’t shown up with a date, she didn’t think she could handle that right now.

Steve had been the life and soul of the party until around 3am where he crashed out on one of the leather sofas in the lounge area. Izzy had sat with him until Bucky had come and guided her away to a private booth. He slipped in beside her, sitting so close that their bodies were joined from knee to shoulder.

“I meant what I said.” Bucky slurred. He was pretty far gone but at least he could still stand up. “I was an idiot. I’m sorry, Izzy. Will you forgive me?”

“What are you sorry for, Buck?” Izzy was entirely too sober to cope with him like this.

“I’m sorry for breaking the rules.” He ran his hand through his hair, something he did when he was nervous, uncomfortable or distracted.

“Why are you sorry for that?”

“Because…” He sucked in a deep breath and turned towards her. “I made a promise and I don’t want to lose you, Izzy. You’ve been there through all the hard times in my life and your friendship is something I value more than anything in the world.”

There it was again, the friendship flag waved high in the air for all to see. Izzy loved a man who had put her firmly in the friendzone.

“And I missed you.” He stroked her hair back from her shoulder, the backs of his fingers trailed against her neck, leaving a shiver behind them.

“Bucky, please.” She sighed.

“You’re so fucking beautiful…” He leaned forward to rest his forehead on her shoulder. “And that dress, those legs…” his hand slid over her knee and pushed the hem of her dress upward to reveal more of her soft skin.

“Stop.” She was firm in her instruction but he didn’t stop. “Someone is going to see us Bucky, I said stop!”

“You were the one who asked for this. Tell me you don’t want it and I’ll stop.” He nuzzled her neck, trailing his stubble across her sensitive skin.

Why was he doing this? Teasing her, taunting her? He knew she had a crush on him, she always had, he _had_ to know. And what was this? Trying to manipulate her into his bed again? Was that all she was to him now? An easy lay? She supposed she _had_ set herself up as one with her crazy idea about being fuck buddies.

_Jesus!_

“Don’t be so cruel!” Tears welled up in her eyes as she pushed him back right to the edge of the booth. “You cite friendship in one breath but taunt me with sex in the next. You’re a fucking hypocrite!” She hissed as loud as she dared.

“You wanna talk about cruel? I’ll tell you what’s cruel. You! You’re a fucking prick tease. Offering me a taste of something you’ve got no intention of truly giving.”

“You’re an asshole, James Buchannan Barnes! A top class asshole!”

She shoved him off the seat and onto his ass on the floor. Scrambling over him she almost fell, twisting her ankle in her gorgeous but regretfully impractical Jimmy Choo’s.

“Izzy, wait!” Bucky was loud as he called after her. “Please don’t go!”

Outside in the warm July air her tears flowed freely. A yellow cab was passing and she managed to get in just before Bucky came stumbling out of the door, jacket in hand. Driving away she watched in the mirror as he raked his hands through his hair and kicked a bottle against the wall. Glass exploded everywhere and absently she hoped he hadn’t hurt himself.

She sobbed all the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The image I had of Bucky at Steve's party was [This one From itsawkwardfanboi Tumblr](https://itsawkwardfanboi.tumblr.com/post/172567776361/a-smiley-boi) I hope that's even ok to link/reference, if not, let me know and I'll fix it.


	11. Admissions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve takes Bucky on a trip - a guilt trip. A phone call to the other member of The Marvellous Three forces Bucky to admit a few things to Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we're nearing the end of the stuff that I have pre-written, and have just been editing as I post. After the next chapter I'll be editing as I write, and I don't write all that quickly so the updates will be a little more sporadic, but the angst train will continue to chug along the tracks.
> 
> I hope you've been enjoying the story so far. I love reading what you guys think of the products of my imagination so feel free to let me know, I'll always reply to comments. Thanks to all you readers who keep coming back and letting me know you like my stuff, you're what keeps me ticking! Peace and love :)

Another month went by and Bucky still hadn’t seen Izzy. He knew he’d royally fucked up but she refused to see him and wouldn’t take his calls. She barely replied to texts, and when she did it was more coldly than she had the month before. This time, however, she completely avoided any event where Bucky could even possibly be present. As a result of which, even Steve had seen very little of her.

“What did you do?” Steve interrogated him. His training with the FBI obviously came in handy for some things.

“Drop it Steve.” Bucky glared at his friend. “She just… She won’t come to my birthday.”

“If you know that for sure then you must know why.” Steve reasoned, frustration tainting his normally calm tone. “So, why?”

“We had an argument, okay!”

“At _my _birthday? Over a month ago?”

“Yeah.” Bucky frowned. “Look, it’s fine. I don’t need her to be there to have fun, okay? Nat is organising this themed party for me. She’s good at that sort of shit. Izzy can come if she wants, she’s been invited, but I won’t hold my breath.”

“I’m calling her.” Steve had his phone in his hand and hit speed dial before Bucky could even say the words ‘don’t you dare’.

Bucky’s mouth was dry as he tried to get Steve to see reason, arguing that Izzy could do whatever she wanted, and if that meant not going to his birthday then that was her prerogative.

“Hey sweetheart.” Steve cooed and Bucky shut his mouth so fast his teeth snapped together. “I’m good, thanks. Oh you know me, trying to save the world every day.”

He laughed at some joke Izzy made.

“Yeah, exactly that. Hey, listen…” Steve put his persuasive voice on. “A week on Wednesday there’s a party at Starks, I was just wondering if I could go with you.”

_Smooth._ Bucky thought. _She might actually turn up if she thinks she’s doing Steve a favour._

“That’s right, it’s his birthday party. Nat is- ohh.” Steve’s face dropped in disappointment.

_There it is. The shutdown._ Bucky watched as Steve listened to Izzy, finally meeting Bucky’s eyes in a cold stare that meant nothing but trouble.

“Sweetheart, can you at least talk it out with him? I’ll stay with you.” He hummed as she replied. “But the Marvellous Three have never skipped a birthday.”

_Jeeze. What a guilt trip._ Bucky felt bad for Izzy. He’d fucked up, twice and she was getting the hard sell from Steve.

“Alright, I understand. If you change your mind…” He said with a defeated sigh. “Okay, take care, okay?.”

With his phone shoved back in his pocket, Steve rounded on Bucky, standing tall and looking annoyed.

“You’re going to tell me now what the hell you did that has that girl in tears.”

“She was crying?” Bucky felt like shit all over again.

“Yep.” Steve crossed his arms over his chest, puffing up the impressive muscles he’d gained over the years. “Spill.”

“I don’t want to talk about it, man.”

“Well you’re going to.” Steve’s mouth set in that thin, downward-turned line that signified disapproval and stubbornness. “Whatever happened at my birthday, you need to fix it.”

“I can’t fucking fix it, Steve.” Bucky snapped. “I’ve tried.”

Steve continued to scowl.

“She won’t reply to me or take my calls. I sat outside her apartment for hours one night pressing her buzzer. Even when one of her neighbours let me in and I knocked on her door she wouldn’t acknowledge me, and she was definitely home. I waited outside her building one morning thinking I’d catch her on her way to work only to find out from a neighbour that she’d decided to work from home. Nat’s tried to talk to her for me, Sam as well, and now you.” Bucky ran his hands through his hair. He was stressed to fuck right now and Steve pressuring him was only making him worse.

“And why is it that she won’t talk to one of her best friends in the whole damn world?” Steve’s face was getting red. “She used to forgive you for everything. I can’t even begin to imagine how you’ve managed to fuck up this bad.”

As Steve unleashed his guilt trip tirade, Bucky could feel himself slipping. His eyes were wet and he gasped for breath.

“I touched her, okay!” he shouted above the continuous stream of guilt-inducing criticism.

“You did what now?” Steve’s eyebrows were almost in his hairline.

“I got handsy.” Bucky sighed, defeated. “I was so fucking drunk, Steve, I put my hand up her skirt.”

“You’re an asshole for that, but it’s not enough for her to despise you this much.” He said. “What else?”

Bucky groaned. There was no way he was going to give Steve the full background on this. He’d already broken enough rules that he was sure it would be the final nail in the coffin of his friendship with Izzy for him to tell Steve about the arrangement the two of them had.

“I said some really shitty things.” Bucky admitted. “Called her a prick tease, a bitch, few other things I don’t want to mention.” He dragged his hand down his face and groaned.

“Wow.” Steve said flatly. “Just, wow.”

“I wish I could take it back but I can’t.” Bucky felt despair all over again.

“What the fuck possessed you, man?”

“I-”

“Wait…” Steve interrupted before he could reply. “You still love her, don’t you?”

“Steve-”

“The feelings never went away, did they?”

“I can’t-” Bucky stopped himself. “Did they for you?” He asked, belligerently.

“Yeah, they did, Buck.” Steve snapped bitterly. “After years of harbouring a crush I couldn’t do anything about because me and my best friend were hot for the same girl who was our _other_ best friend, it kinda just evolved into platonic friendship.”

Bucky nodded solemnly. He and Steve had made a pact, just like he and Izzy had made rules, and he had betrayed them both, lied to them both, broken promises with them both. He was a shitty friend and a despicable person.

“Why don’t you tell her?” Steve softened.

“She doesn’t want anything like that from me, man. Especially not now. She’ll only think I’m trying a different tactic to get into her underwear.” Bucky said. “Our friendship is what I want to preserve. It’s the only way she’ll be in my life, Steve, and not even that if I can’t find a way to fix this shit.”

Steve knew Bucky was right. They both knew Izzy, and she wasn’t one to get suckered by a man, especially not one she knew so well. Steve said she’d come around eventually but Bucky knew it wouldn’t be as easy as all that.

“Maybe it’s time to find someone to help you get over your feelings for Izzy.” Steve suggested.

For Bucky, it was never as easy as finding someone to help him get over her. Every time he met someone they just didn’t compare to the girl he’d loved virtually all his life. It wasn’t about their looks, or even about their personality (well, sometimes it was about that) but it was more about their soul and how he felt with them. Sure, he could like a girl and appreciate their aesthetic, but the only person he’d ever felt that deep and desperate feeling of need and love for, was Izzy. His soul ached for her like his life depended on it. The loss of her from his life would break him apart.

“I don’t want to use some poor girl because I feel shitty, Steve.”

“I’m not saying that.” He grumbled. “But maybe get back out on the dating scene. Find someone who’s looking for what you’re offering.”

“And what’s that, exactly?” Bucky scoffed. “Emotional baggage and a streak of self-loathing a mile wide, covered in a pretty package with a side order of relentless sex?” Bucky had no energy to sugar coat that shit for himself.

“I know several chicks who would go for that right now.” Steve smirked. “But I think you might be overselling the sex.”

“Really?” Bucky half-laughed. “The last girl didn’t have any complaints.” He wasn’t going to think about the fact that the last girl was Izzy.

“Your mom doesn’t count as a conquest, Buck.” Steve quipped.

“No, but your mom does.” Buck retorted and they both fell into easy laughter.

It was always like that between them. No matter how annoyed they both got with each other, a couple of joked insults and a bit of humour would set them on the straight and narrow. Things were usually like that with Izzy too, but things had changed when they’d started sleeping together. Bucky should have known it would turn bad. It was always a mistake to mix a perfectly good friendship up with sex. He couldn’t even say he regretted the sex though; it had been amazing, even if the cost was far too high.

Bucky and Steve laughed over more ‘your mom’ jokes as they headed out for lunch. Thor was in town visiting. He was one of Steve’s friends from back when he was in training with the FBI, and Bucky het gotten to know the man over years of regular visits. Bucky had invited him to his birthday party the following week and the ginormous blonde would be in town until then.

Some bro time would definitely help Bucky take his mind off Izzy, if only for a little while.


	12. All Aboard the Guit Train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's birthday is only days away, and the theme of the party is questionable. Izzy is subjected to peer pressure; Nat really wants her friend to be there. Will Izzy agree? What will she wear?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! This is kind of a girls bonding chapter which is a set up for the next chapter of gratuitous smut.
> 
> Please note some tag additions for kinks and bondage and mild S&M which are mostly in place for the next chapter but are talked about loosely in this one.

“You’re seriously going to leave me hanging?” Nat complained as she stabbed her fork into her couscous salad.

She’d been harassing Izzy for a week about Bucky’s birthday party. Ever since Izzy had told Steve she was too busy to help organise a party, Nat had been all over it. Even Steve had stepped back and let her run with her enthusiasm.

With six days to go, Nat was adamant that Izzy go to this party despite her telling Nat that she and Bucky had fallen out. The redhead hadn’t taken the hint as well as Steve had; she just kept on pushing.

“Natasha, please!” Izzy beseeched her friend over a lunch of grilled salmon salad and a wine spritzer – she shouldn’t be drinking during office hours.

“So, you guys had an argument? Don’t adults talk about this shit?” Nat rolled her eyes. “What happened anyway?”

“I’m not getting into it.” Izzy sipped her drink as a way of finalising her statement.

“I get it. He pissed you off. But I’m asking for you to come to support _me_, not _him_. You don’t even have to talk to him.”

“It’s _his_ birthday, Nat. How can I _not_ talk to him?”

“Would it help if I cut his balls off?” She fielded hopefully.

“Not really.” Izzy sighed. “Look, I’ll think about it, okay? I’m not even sure an S&M party is even my thing.”

“It’s _everybody’s_ thing.” She scoffed.

“And this was Bucky’s idea?”

“Oh hell no! He doesn’t know what the theme is yet. I’m giving him his costume on the day.” She giggled jubilantly.

“Wha-?” Izzy snickered. “Please tell me it’s a gimp suit.”

“There you go! Have a laugh at his expense, it’ll make you feel better.” She chuckled. “It’s not a gimp suit but I could throw in a ball-gag if you didn’t want to hear him speak all night.”

“I love you.” Izzy grinned. “You know that, right?”

“Does that mean you’ll come?”

“It means I’ll think about it.”

“Okay. Your costume better be hot though.” Nat said, matter of fact, as she dug into her lunch.

The decision to attend Bucky’s birthday came the next day when Nat laid an extra thick layer of guilt on top of all the ‘supportless friendship’ guilt she’d already applied. That, and the fact that Nat heard from Steve that his friend Thor was in town.

That guy was hotter than the fires of hades and if there was anyone who could distract Izzy from her argument with Bucky it would be Thor, or at least that’s what Nat had tried to sell her on.

No matter how salaciously the redhead supplied suggestive comments, Izzy had no intention of sleeping with Thor, maybe just a little flirting, a little wishful thinking. Thor was Steve’s friend and Izzy wouldn’t do that to him.

_Really? Wasn’t Bucky also Steve’s friend?_

Izzy shut down her mental berating with a sharp pinch of her ear lobe.

In truth, Izzy felt a little bit guilty intending to miss Bucky’s birthday party. Since they’d been kids, her Bucky and Steve had always been together on each of their birthdays – except when Bucky was in the army; conference calls were the substitute. She’d already bought his birthday gift well before their argument, even before Bucky’s rule breaking; it would be a shame not to let him have it.

“How S&M are you expecting my costume for this party to be, exactly?” Izzy asked Nat over the phone on Sunday night.

“Well I don’t expect you to show up trussed up and hanging from a dom-swing on wheels, being rolled in like an interactive display by a pair of gimps, if that’s what you’re asking.” Nat chuckled. She knew Izzy was rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone.

“What are _you_ wearing? That’s what I’m asking.”

“I’ve got a black leatherette jumpsuit with a cute little utility belt to hang my toys on.” There was a smirk in her voice.

“What toys?”

“Oh, _you know_, big black rubber truncheon that’s shaped like a dong, handcuffs, flogger. That sort of thing.”

“So, the contents of your top drawer, then?” Izzy teased, and Nat laughed knowingly.

“Girl, that shit is _tame_.”

“For you, maybe.”

“What are you thinking for yours?” The redhead asked after a giggle-filled pause.

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t want to let you down but I’m not really comfortable with putting it out there in public.” By ‘it’ she meant her scantily clad body. Izzy wasn’t all that shy but there were just some things you drew the line at wearing.

“You’re hot and you know it. I expect nothing less that sex on legs.” Nat said firmly. “Why don’t you get one of those pvc leotards. You know, the ones cut really high at the hip. And some thigh high boots. Cheeky little pvc cap?”

“Really?” Izzy groaned.

“I mean, you’ll be mostly covered.”

“Except for that scant little vee of material covering my cooch.” Izzy rebuked. “I bet they’re thong backed as well, are they?”

“What about fishnets?”

The lack of an answer from Nat mean that, yes, it did have a thong back.

Izzy sighed.

“What about a dominatrix costume? Like a full-on pvc coat?”

“Too warm. I’ll fucking melt.”

“Jeez, you’re so fussy.” Nat teased. “Have you not got something in your box of tricks you can use? Kinky nurse costume? Hot-looking corset?”

“Nat, I’ve literally got a black mesh dress-” Izzy started to explain, frustration apparent.

“God you’re so boring.” Nat interrupted, exasperated

“and a roll of bondage tape.”

“Why am I even still friends with you.” The redhead quipped. “Say what now?” Nat had only just realised what Izzy said.

“I’ve got a little dress, one of those short-sleeved off the shoulder types that’s go so many slits that it doesn’t cover anything, and a roll of bondage tape.”

“Well, it’s a start.” Nat was laughing. “A dress made of bondage tape could be fun.”

Izzy had fallen victim to an impromptu visit from the redhead after work the following day. There had been a great deal of Nat invading her privacy and making demands, but Izzy just sat on her bed with a sad kind of defeated look on her face and watched whirlwind Natasha drag all of her private things out of hiding.

The roll of red bondage tape and a pair of nipple clamps with bells on that Bucky had bought (breaking the rules a little) for them to use, were sat on the top of her comforter, eyeing her with distain. The clamps were for her but the tape was for him. She remembered the first time they’d used them and blushed hard, trying not to think about how she’d felt having all that control over him. Of course, he’d tied her up too but that came after.

“So, wear the dress.” Nat tossed it at Izzy, her fingers slipping through the very open weave mesh of the garment. “Those ridiculously high pumps are good and, I dunno, wear some lingerie underneath or something.”

Izzy didn’t argue. She was too wrapped up in her memories of sex with Bucky.

**Author's Note:**

> What started off as gratuitous smut seemed to gain a life of its own and now it has grown into something much more dramatic.
> 
> I think my favourite play thing is definitely Bucky Barnes since I can't seem to stop coming up with ideas for making him suffer in different ways (and different lays). I'm addicted (not sorry).
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know what you think :)


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